Dear all,
I'm trying to practice my English by editing some Journals of Science. Some of them are really difficult to understand and correct.
Could you please help me for correcting it.
Thank you so much.
"This study aim to evaluate the effects of the domestic herbal medical products CP3, CP4, CP5, provided by the Institute of Animal Sciences in the Southern Vietnam and compare their results with imported mixture (TDNN), Digestarom Poultry, on the egg production of layer chickens. All three domestic herbal medical products of CP3, CP4, CP5 were mixed at 300g, 315g, and 320g in 100 kg of feed., the imported mixture Digestarcom Poultry was mixed at a dose of 15g in 100 kg feeds. For testing effect of herbal medical products above on egg production, total 150 layer chickens Hisex Brown were divided into 5 formulas (named DC0, DC1, CP3, CP4, CP5), each formula contains 30 heads in 10 groups (10 replications). The control group (DC0) was fed by basic diet (ME 2850 Kcal, Crude Protein 17.5%, without herbal ingredient), the DC1 group was fed by Digestarom Poultry mixture, and other three groups CP3, CP4, CP5 were fed at designed doses. The results indicated that feeding layer chickens with herbal ingredients -had high efficiency in production traits (birth rate: 81-87%, egg production: 5.5-6.1 egg/week, egg-weight: 63.5-64.3g/egg, feed conversion for 10 eggs: 1.38-1.41kg, respiratory disease: 0.19-0.31%, and alive rate: 93.4-96.7%), similar to that of chickens fed by Digestarom Poultry and higher than that from chickens in control group. Among three chicken groups fed by domestic herbal medical products , the group fed by CP3 produced high ratio of defect eggs. In contrast, CP4 showed the highest production traits and less infected by respiratory diseases. Therefore, herbal medical products CP4 and CP5 can be used at recommended dose to replace imported Digestarom Poultry in feeds for raising layer chickens."
Best Regards,
Jayce.
Hi Tran, welcome to EssayForum :) This is the remarkable place to practice your writing by having peer-correction towards other members' essays. However, regarding to your essay, I would like to say that for a title, it is unnecessary to make it all in capital forms. You can only make the beginning of the word to be in capital forms. Let me give you an example "A comparison about the effect of Domestic Prepared and Imported Medical Products in Feed on Egg PR"
With regards to the grammatical range and accuracy, you can see the detailed descriptions of the corrections below:
- This study aimaims/has a purpose to evaluate the effects of the domestic herbal... (choose one of them)
- ...herbal medical products CP3, CP4, and CP5 provided by the Institute of Animal Sciences...
- ...herbal medical products of CP3, CP4, and CP5 were...
- ...aims to evaluate the effects of the domestic herbal medical products CP3, CP4, and CP5 provided by the Institute of Animal Sciences in the Southern Vietnam and tocompare their results with imported mixture (TDNN)... (should be parallel like this)
- ...(named DC0, DC1, CP3, CP4, and CP5)...
- ...herbal ingredients -(dash is unnecessary) had high...
- ...herbal medical products, the group fed... (you shouldn't give space before a comma)
As seen, most of the errors related to punctuation and grammar. I did some contributions in revising those parts. Good luck in revising this essay. :)
After I gave you some corrections above regarding to your grammar, I think there is no major problem at all. It is understandable and very informative indeed. If you asking about my understanding about the essay, I can see that this is similar to an abstract. You are explaining the research from the first to the end of the research (result). The comparison about the effect of domestic prepared and imported herbal medical products was also clearly described by mentioning the data before treatment and after the treatment has been given.
Overall, it has already well-organized and understandable. You just need to follow through my corrections above regarding to your grammatical and punctuation errors. :)
