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The comparison of local government expenditure in each category in Someland

tamtamii 9 / 7  
Mar 30, 2017   #1
The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000

spendings fluctuation

The provided charts illustrate about the comparison of local government expenditure in each category in Someland. The measurement is percentage. In general trend, there were categories which experienced fluctuation of annual spending. Meanwhile, feature which dominated was higher education. According to the data, there were majority proportion and minority proportion which will be explained in this following essay.

To begin, there were majority data such as higher education, transportation and K-12 education in three decades. Higher education witnessed a fluctuation over a three-decade. Meanwhile, K-12 education decreased slowly by 7 percent in 3 periods. However, government spending in transportation also fluctuated.

On the other hand, there were also minority figure from each feature because the percentage was below 20 percent such as environmental services, health and human resources and other. A more detail, look at the graph reveals that the proportion of health and human resources in annual spending fluctuated. Then, the proportion of environmental services in annual outgoings continuous and steady rose. Last feature, other, fell steeply in three decades.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Mar 30, 2017   #2
Hi Tami, I have read your writing closely. Following this, I found a few things you have to fix for finalizing this writing task 1.
Firstly, there were some unclear sentences. Your job in the writing is to communicate so that you don't make reviewers confused to understand your writing. You said that the figure dominated. What did the figure dominate? That is a vague information. Besides, the last sentence of the first paragraph seemed like layman's sentence. It is meaningless, so that can not give useful information for readers.

Turning to the body paragraph, keep in your mind that you have to mention the detailed information there. Well, exactly we do not need to deliver all figures, only the interesting data. However, when you order that data, you are supposed to include the percentage. You cannot say that the figure experienced the fluctuation because you entered in the body paragraph. I suggest you read more examples of writing task 1 and review them to get the sense of the writing task 1. Your score is gonna fall down especially the task achievement because you did not display the proper data. Please, pay attention to this matter. Lastly, you are used to being aware of use of articles. It is a minor error, but that can reduce your score if that occurs many times.

Hopefully, those can help you. The key to master this section is practicing more and more.
Happy writing

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