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A comparison between man and women with respect to the number of books read

ameetgill 1 / -  
Sep 10, 2020   #1


The given line graph creates a comparison between man and women with respect to the number of books read by a particular gender over the course of 4 years(2011-2014) at Burnaby Public Library.

Overall, book numbers kept on increasing for both genders, while males showed a steady growth, women's number dangled over the given time interval.

In 2011, women read 2000 more books as compared to men, who only read around 3000 books. This difference further stretches in the following year, with males and females reading 8000 and 4000 books respectively.

However, for the next two years, the number declined for females, while an opposite trend can be seen for males, with effect by 2013, both were reading 10000 books. Gap further widens by a more steep decrease in case of women, and by 2014, men read 8000 more books compared to female counterparts, whose number dropped to 7000 books.

DiepVu99 9 / 21 9  
Sep 11, 2020   #2
hi, I would like to show you some problems in your essay and hope that next time you can fix it better.
Firstly, the number of words just reach to 150 that is enough according to the requirement and might not be appreciated. I suggest you exploit more detailed information, especially in the 2 latter paragraphs. As I can see, you just wrote 2 sentences for each one, however, there should be 3-4 sentences. You kept using run-on sentences but they seem to not work so that another simple way might be effective.

Secondly, in the second paragraph, the trend should be show more clearly, you can use 2-3 sentences here. in the 2 latter paragraphs, I also recommend you to compare the number of 2 lines with comparative grammar, which will more effective.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,317 2867  
Sep 11, 2020   #3
You cannot indicate that both genders numbers showed steady growth when you also say that at a certain point, the women's number stagnated. Do not confuse the trending statement presentation. Pick one trend and present it. If you present more than one reference in that section, you are not creating a trending statement, you are creating a report. Reading your essay, it appears that there is no trending statement at all due to the confusion of the possible trending statement presentation in the second paragraph. You also forgot to report the point in the image where the points for both genders touched. That means at a certain point, the numbers were equal. That is an important aspect in reference to the comparison point of the report.

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