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The comparison of overseas students who graduated from universities in Canada.


Diqon 10 / 33 12  
Mar 19, 2016   #1
The bar chart presents the proportion of graduated international students from college in different Canadian provinces from 2001 to 2006. Overall, the majority of the student graduations from different locations experienced an increase over 5-year period. In any case, while all provinces showed a significant rise, only Alberta province decreased from 2001 to 2006.

According to the chart, there were three provinces witnessing the highest percentages of students who graduated from university in provinces of Canadian just above 10% from between 2001 and 2006. British Columbia was the highest difference of proportion approximately by 5% to 11% over 5-year period. Students who graduated from New Brunswick and Nova Scotia province were the second popular graduation that had a similar percentage, approximately by an increasing 2% from 2001 to 2006.

A closer look at the percentage of the data revealed that Manitoba, Newfoundland & Labrador and Ontario provinces had the same percentage as the increasing number of students who new graduation with regarding to 3% during a period of time. Interestingly, only Alberta province presented a decreased by approximately 1% over the time of period.




Anerena - / 2 2  
Mar 21, 2016   #2
Hi Diqon,
In my opinion you need to improve a little the structure of your essay. I don't know if your essay should be inserted in a presentation, if it is part of a bigger text or something else, however I believe that it should contain an introduction, some development of your thesis and a conclusion. In my opinion you wrote a good introduction, however the other two paragraphs are a little bit less clear and not easy to understand.

For example, in your second paragraph you describe the graph with an emphasis on the Universities with the highest percentage of International Graduates, and in my opinion you could consider the following modifications

British Columbia washad the highest difference of proportionincrease in percentage,approximately bygoing from 5% to 11% international graduates over a 5-year period.

Students who graduated from New Brunswick and Nova Scotia province werehad the second popularbiggest ratio of international graduations,that hadwith a similar percentage to that of British Columbia , approximately by an increasingwith an increase of 2% from 2001 to 2006.

In the third paragraph, I didn't understand the sentence A closer look at the percentage of the data revealed that Manitoba, Newfoundland & Labrador and Ontario provinces had the same percentage as the increasing number of students who new graduation with regarding to 3% during a period of time. Maybe you could consider a modification of this sentence in order to keep your essay simpler and easy to read.

My last consideration concerns the conclusion. As you wrote, it is interesting that only Alberta had a different trend from the other provinces, maybe you could add some considerations on why do you think that happened or what coul be the cause, but obviously it depends on what is the purpose of what you wrote!

I hope that helped you


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