Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

IELTS1 Comparison of population and projection in Yemen and Italy; the differentiation of percentage

roswita116 16 / 37 17  
Nov 21, 2019   #1

Age Structure in two different countries

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

Here I have a question:
May I rephrase "aged 0 to 15" into " teenagers"
"aged 15 to 59" into "adults" and "aged 60+" into "elderly"?

The pie charts illustrate the total amount of all ages citizens between Yemen and Italy in 2000 and the comparison of projections for 2050.

Overall, it is exceedingly evident that the group of adults from aged 15 to 59 accounted for the majority proportion not only in populations but also projections in both countries. However, the age from 60 plus stood at the least percentage in population and projection of Yemen while the aged from 0 to 14 occupied the least ratio in population and projection of Italy in 2000 and 2050,respectively.

Taking a closer look, the differentiation of percentage between 15 to 59 years old of populations and projections in Yemen and Italy are quite slight in 2000 and 2050. Only 15.3% and 11.1%, respectively. In addition, the group of aged 60 plus accounted for almost half of pie chart of projections in Italy while it stood at the least in Yemen. There is 36.6% differentiation between both countries.

Maria - / 1,100 389  
Nov 22, 2019   #2
Hi there. Thanks for your continuous participation in the site! I hope my feedback gives you clarity.

To answer your question, the word teenagers doesn't necessarily pertain to that age range, considering that 0 to 15 is a mixture of infancy and teenage years. I wouldn't necessarily recommend changing the phrasing of this because it might just cause confusion in the minds of the readers. However, the other changed in formatting (aged 15 - 56 as adults and aged 60+ as elderly) can still be doable.

Looking into your writing, I suggest working on creating more specific delineations in your writing. For instance, that second paragraph's first sentence should have had a couple of punctuation marks throughout because it was spilling with numerous phrases throughout. Try to be more concise with the placement of these punctuation marks to create a softer transition. Implement this recommendation to the last paragraph of your writing as well.
emme4665 2 / 3  
Nov 24, 2019   #3
Ielts writing task 1 should have 4 or 5 paragraphs
I think you should analyze more to make the article proportionate. Your details are too short, while the overview is quite long.
OP roswita116 16 / 37 17  
Nov 24, 2019   #4
Thank you so much for your valuable feedback.🤗🤗 it really helps !

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS1 Comparison of population and projection in Yemen and Italy; the differentiation of percentage