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A comparison of the proportion change in the overseas students' number in 8 Canadian provinces


irhame 52 / 50 25  
Nov 11, 2015   #1
A comparison of the proportion change in the overseas students' number graduating from many third-level educations in 8 Canadian provinces from 2001 to 2006, a 5-year period is experienced in the bar chart. Overall, while 2006's figure for foreign students dominated in this question period, New Brunswick witnessed a higher percentage rather than other provinces.

Some provinces saw a significant change for international students. British Columbia witnessed the greatest change of foreign pupils from 4.5% in 2001 up to 10.5% in 2006. However, the lowest alteration was shown by Alberta with the gap one percent. Furthermore, while both figures in New Brunswick surpassed from all categories, which were the highest proportion, the lowest percentage in 2001 and 2006 was in Alberta and Ontario repetitively.

A more detailed look at the chart reveals that a slight decrease's figure and almost unchanged proportion revealed in many provinces. 6.5 percent to 10.5 percent was a dramatic increase for the percentage of international graduated pupils, whilst Quebec's figure was much lower than Nova Scotia from 5.2% to 8.5% between 2001 and 2006. In contrast, the student's figure for Manitoba and Newfoundland & Labrador flattened out at 3.5 percent in 2001 and 7 percent in 2006 for overseas students graduating from some universities.




shintacandrade 10 / 74 87  
Nov 11, 2015   #2
A comparison of the proportion change in the overseas students' number graduating from many third-level educations (1) in 8 Canadian provinces from 2001 to 2006, a 5-year period (2) is experienced in the bar chart. Overall, while 2006's figure for foreign students dominated in this question period, New Brunswick witnessed a higher percentage rather than other provinces (3) .

1. Irham, I know that you are trying to paraphrase the words from the question. However, not all words need to be changed. Paraphrasing does not mean that you rephrase all the words. Keep the original terms from the supplied information in the question is also important when it comes to certain words. In this case, I think that the word of 'university' does not need to be converted into 'third-level educations' since it is more likely to change the tone of the whole report.

2. Do you want to use an appositive for this phrase? There are many ways to use the appositive correctly. One of them is when the appositive interrupts the sentence, put commas after and before the phrase. Therefore, it should look like this: ... from 2001 to 2006, a 5-year period,is... (see the way I put commas)

3. Need a bit improvement on the overview. It is always good to write a 2-sentence overview. Let me give a try:
Overall, all universities in the provinces of Canada showed an upward trend in the percentage of international graduates, with the exception of Alberta. Interestingly, while there was a significant growth of this in British Columbia, New Brunswick remained the highest rate between 2001 and 2006.


Hope this helps ~ Shinta


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