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IELTS- competition and cooperation , which one is important for children?


duo008 6 / 39 5  
Nov 23, 2013   #1
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Competition and cooperation are both essential skills for people to live in this world. Someone believe it's better to put their children in a competition environment early to adapt current society, but others say that cooperation is the most significant skill which children have to know well. In this essay, I will talk about both side and give my own opinions about them.

Competition is undoubtedly good. First of all, it will push us to do better and better, for example, compete between companies is always good to customer to get better quality products and services. For children, it helps children to learn new knowledge or skills of preparation of their future life. A second point is that competition helps children can get lots of experience, no matter winning or losing, they can get confidence.

However, only focus on competitiveness is not always beneficial for children. To begin with, young children are naturally egocentric. Therefore they have to learn how to feel other people's feeling and help other one. No parent want their child become a selfish man, isn't it? In addition, group work is a good way to teaching children communication skill and sense of responsibility. We are now live in a highly-interdependent knowledge society, it is hard that one man can cope with everything, no matter how brilliant you are, work as a team always the best and effective method to getting a success.

In conclusion, it is almost impossible to separate these two features of our lives. Competition and cooperation are potential elements in our blood, they are most important factors to us to establish current world, and children have to learn both of things well.

hi, Guys, please help me to correct it! thanks a lot!

TamVo - / 1  
Nov 23, 2013   #2
Dear All,

My name is Tam and I'm a new member of this Essay Forum. Today is Nov, 24, 2013, just a moment ago and I saw this forum. I'm very interesting to join the forum because my grammar doesn't good. I'm learning and would like to improve my ability in English writing. Now I'm starting with the writing Essay and I hope I can post my Essay to here and every body can help me correct the grammar.

Thank you in advance,
Best regards,
Tam
gtamani 6 / 14  
Nov 23, 2013   #3
TamVo
Someone believe it's better to put their children in a competition environment early to adapt current society, but others say that cooperation is the most significant skill l which children have to know well.

Some believe that
Also its better to have a parallel structure for readability. to put their children in a competition environment not parallel with cooperation is the most significant skil

First of all, it will push us to do better and better, for example, compete between companies is always good to customer to get better quality products and services.

Make it a two sentence
Competition not compete between companies

For children, it helps children to learn new knowledge or skills of preparation of their future life
For children -redundant

We are now live in a highly
We live in

it is hard that one man can cope with everything, no matter how brilliant you are
he is
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Nov 23, 2013   #4
Someone believe

Someone beleives / Some people believe

competition environment

competitive environment

Someone believe it's better to put their children in a competition environment early to adapt current society, but others say that cooperation is the most significant skill which children have to know well.

Some people believe that it is better if their children grow up in a competitive environment from early age in order to be ready to face the sever competition that prevails in our society. However, other people hold the view that children should be encouraged to co-operate because sense of cooperation makes them good team players which is an important life skill they need to develop for their future.
OP duo008 6 / 39 5  
Nov 24, 2013   #5

Thanks:
It's really helpful!


I always struggle with the first sentence of the essay, your demo is really and helpful! Thank you!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 24, 2013   #6
In this essay, I will talk about both side and give my own opinions about them.

Well.... it is always better to conclude your introduction with a statement expressing your opinion about the issue. The above sentence does not present anything interesting to the reader. Instead make your thesis statement;

In my view, both competition and cooperation play equally important roles in our lives and therefore children should be taught to compete as well as to cooperate.
OP duo008 6 / 39 5  
Nov 24, 2013   #7
thanks,dumi
I'll try to rewrite the first paragraph!


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