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A competition entry: An important person in history


kakaloc1681998 1 / -  
May 7, 2018   #1

an important person in history who you admire



You are entering a writing competition in your local newspaper. You must write about an important person in history who you admire.

Include:

information about who the person is and their early life
what the person did that made them famous
why you admire this person


The general born on August 25th, 1911, in Quang Binh province of Viet Nam. He is the first general of Vietnamese army and the outstanding student of president Ho Chi Minh. As a history teacher at the original time, general Giap was assessed as genial military leader of the 20th century and for all Vietnamese people, "Anh Van" is the Vietnamese national hero forever. The appearance of a significant event in 1927 which generated the turning point of his life was the first time general Giap heard the name of president Ho Chi Minh. He read an essay of Nguyen Ai Quoc thrillingly and exclaimed: "The essay of Nguyen Ai Quoc cause us a wrath as the shockwave". The event was the first link of General Giap and Ho Chi Minh, created the platform of the Vietnamese revolution.

In the entire his career, general Giap has mighty victories which the world known as impossibles missions and the best known is Dien Bien Phu strategy. In 1954, French with the financial and human backing of American had built a military conglomerate which had been supposed unbeatable at Dien Bien Phu. General Giap circumspectly assessed the practical situation, propounded the right strategic direction attack. The conglomerate was equipped most modern weapons at that time and assembled more than 16.200 soldiers. However, the defeat of French was inevitable, they faced a united force under the excellent conductor of general Vo Nguyen Giap. In a desperate effort to counteract Vietnamese troops, the French accepted a pathetic failure. That victory of Viet Nam opened the revolutionary path of downtrodden nations.

Although known as an inbred leader of the century, he had a homely life. Vietnamese people admired him because of his beautiful lifestyle. General Giap has the dearness with children and he wished Vietnamese children could be merry. He taught the next generation must be modest. With all due respect and love, Vietnamese people remembered general Vo Nguyen Giap as a respected father.

Holt [Contributor] - / 6,843 1707  
May 9, 2018   #2
Loc, this essay indicates information that covers only the reason why this person became famous. It does not give an autobiographical representation of his life from early childhood. It also does not inform the reader as to why you admire the person. You gave general information about why he is admired, but no personal reason for your having chosen him for this essay as a personal inspiration. The personal inspiration aspect should be depicted in the essay via a comparison with your own life, values, and goals. It should reflect how he lived his life in a manner that inspired others to live in the same way. This does not accomplish the task of the essay in a very good manner. Like I said, you only responded to one aspect of the guide prompts so this is not an essay that be entered into the contest. The grammar is a bit confusing to read at times, but the reader can still figure out what you are trying to say. It is just too bad that it really doesn't allow the reader to get to know the general, in terms of why he inspired your choice. By the way, be careful of your capitalization. The term "general", when used in accordance with a name is always capitalized.


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