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SAT; Competition let people to be successful?


HarmonSa 6 / 13  
Nov 5, 2009   #1
This is my third essay and although I still feel hard on it I feel it's better than my first essay now. Please see if I make any progress. Thank you very much for your helop!!

All roads lead to Roam; once when I performed poorly in a crucial test and then fidgeted for a couple of days, my father wrote this adage on the cover of my text book. Indeed, it didn't have profound impact on me at that time but it did impluse me to bood over the question whether success only relates to competitive scores. And now I have a more comprehensive answer that people do not have to be highly competitive for the sake of suceess.

For one thing, success doesn't equal to wealth or fame; the realization of one's dream can also be called success. In O Henry's novel, The Last Leaf, such success is well reflected. Old Behrman was a poorly skilled painter, "a failure in art", who was always about to paint a masterpiece but had never begun. One day, he coincidentally knew a patient living in the same place as he did who maintained her life by counting the remaining leaves of an ivy tree. At a stormy night, this old man painted a leaf on the tree the night its last leaf fell. In the end, the patient survived while old man died, but who will deny that the old Behrman, not strong in painting, was successful when he finished that last leaf? He has realized his dream so he is successful.

Besides, even when talking about cases where success means wealth or fame, one doesn't need to be competitive in order to succeed. For example, in people's eyes politicians ought to be tall and eloquent like president Hoover, but Franklin Roosevelt, who deeply suffered paralysis from polio and could only live on wheelchair, was no doubt one of the most famous and honoured presidents in the United States. He was disabled but it is now no matter because he has already succeeded.

Anyway, success doesn't directly relate to one's competence. It can be a sense of hapiness, or a feeling of satisfaction after achieving one's goal; in these cases competence is less dominant. While in situation where success is fame or wealth, people who are highly competitive do not always succeed, sometimes the seemingly weaker one gains the victory.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 6, 2009   #2
...Indeed It didn't have profound impact on me at that time, but it did compel me to...

to brood over the question of whether success only relates to competitive scores. And Now I have a more comprehensive answer that question: people do not have to be highly competitive and compare scores in order to achieve success.

Don't use contractions in formal writing... don't start that last para with "anyway"

I really like your idea!!
OP HarmonSa 6 / 13  
Nov 6, 2009   #3
Sir, I really appreciate your advice...aaaaa!! I think I still has a lot to do with my structure...But,can anybody tell me what 'contraction' means here? I mean, where do I use it? Is that 'Hoover?'
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 7, 2009   #4
A contraction is when you use an apostrophe to put words together:

doesn't

Sometimes it is okay to use contractions... I don't know if they are suppose to be use for the SAT.


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