How does competitiveness affect the individual? Is it a positive or negative quality?

This is the essay I wrote. I picked the title from IELTS past questions and I hope I might receive some feedback so that I can improve myself. Thanks!

evaluating competitiveness

In this globalization era, it is the survival of the fittest, as said in Charles Darwin's Natural Selection. Competitiveness has existed among humans for long, even in nature. Humans are distinct competitive beings. Humans strive for the best of the best, in order to be successful in life.

Being competitive is rather a positive quality. It unleashes one's potential to the fullest. Humans normally feel uncomfortable when they are being overtook by stronger people.This feeling propels them to work hard, their abilities eventually become stronger. They feel rewarding when they see there are progresses going on well.

Moreover, a competitive person will perceive his or her own mistakes easily. Encounter failures is not a big deal, it helps one the realize his or her own errors which inhibits one to be successful in an activity which one is currently doing. Humans are not born perfect, everyone does mistakes. Improvements can be made if a competitive one is aware of his or her wrongdoings.

Furthermore, competitive people gain perseverance throughout the voyage of achieving success. Being successful is elusive, there are ups and downs in the progress. Failure is not scary at all, all things are difficult before they are easy. Positivity helps people to get through any obstacles; perseverance gradually leads to a fruitful success.

In addition, competitiveness promotes people to be passionate about what they are currently doing. Growing interest gives one motivation to put in effort in what one is doing, which leads to the road of success. One will not be frustrated about his or her interest and he or she will surely enjoy the activity.

This positive quality, competitiveness, pushes people to their limits, giving them greater opportunities to achieve success. In this fast-paced changing world, competitiveness and cooperative are elements for people to stand firm at the peak. Let us start culture a pinch of competitiveness in ourselves, to make ourselves a brighter person.

Stephanie, I think you haven't enrolled in an IELTS tutorial class nor read up on the proper format for an IELTS essay have you? That is why the tendency of your essay is to run in a different format. The proper format is simple to follow. It's 3-5 sentences in 5 paragraphs. The coverage per paragraph is specific though. You have to do it this way:

Par. 1: Prompt restatement in your own words with the thesis statement presented at the end.
Par. 2-4 : Body of paragraphs depicting the discussion instructions. This normally happens in one of 2 ways: (1) A direct opinion discussion over 3 paragraphs or (2) comparison discussion with your personal opinion stated as the 3rd paragraph.

Par. 5: Concluding summary that restates the prompt, summarizes the discussion and then indicates your opinion as the closing sentence.

Try to write no more than 250 words in the essay so that you can have time to review, revise, and edit the content of your essay before you submit it for scoring. Remember, each paragraph should contain only one topic for discussion so that you completely develop your presentation and explanation without confusing the reader.

Since this is your first essay, it will definitely be riddled with mistakes. So I will not review nor score this essay. I always wait till the second essay for actual comments for improvement when I see that the first post indicates a lack of proper formatting and knowledge of how to write the essay properly. You can also take the time to read the other samples here that have already been corrected and advised upon to get you started on the proper discussion presentation for your upcoming essays.

Yes, I have not. I am trying to improve my writing skills and enhance my vocabulary during my leisure time. I will be taking IELTS in the future so I hope these writing practices, samples as well as feedbacks can assist me. Thank you for the advice and suggestions. I will look for some model essays for references. Thank you :)