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there should be a complete ban on the advertising of dangerous products (120-180 words)


mika1998 4 / 13 3  
Feb 5, 2014   #1
Some people believe that advertising dangerous products like cigarettes should be completely banned, although some others disagree. I will consider both sides of the matter in my essay.

First of all, on one hand, advertisements on cigarettes or any other dangerous products are not only one of the most solid reasons of initiating wrong social habits among young people but also a drastic pretext for them to both be inclined to it and continue doing it. Therefore there are negative complaints from people concerned about their society health to these advertisements.

On the other hand, the opponents of the ban argue that as long as they are legal products, there need not be any limitations for such advertisements. In fact, it is better for beholders to use well-known and authenticated products rather than poor and unqualified ones, although there might be a risk for not interested people to become interested in such devitalizing products.

Considering both ideas, the cons surplus the pros of such advertisements, certainly claiming why should we consume such products while they have no benefits for us?!!

SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 5, 2014   #2
Hi, mika

On the other hand, the opponents of the ban argue that as long as they are legal products, there need not be any limitations for such advertisements.

"are" is the compliment for they. I can't find the verb in the main clauses.

In fact, it is better for beholders to use well-known and authenticated products rather than poor and unqualified ones, although there might be a risk for not interested people to become interested in such devitalizing products.

better if you separate these with two sentence.
OP mika1998 4 / 13 3  
Feb 5, 2014   #3
many tnx ill try to make it better :-)
Phoenix Vu 1 / 3 1  
Feb 5, 2014   #4
hi mika
young people but >>> young people,but

therefore there >>>>Therefore, there
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 5, 2014   #5
This essay should have been opened in the Writing Feedback forum (I moved it there from Grammar Usage). Also what's the purpose of this essay? It's topic sounds like a TOEFL or IELTS essay. Is it? If so you are pretty short with the word count.
Fardhani Putri 23 / 46 7  
Feb 5, 2014   #6
hi there..

Some people believe that advertising dangerous products like cigarettes should be completely banned, although some others disagree. I will consider both sides of the matter in my essay.

... You have an argument about your position, it's better if you choose agree or disagree so it makes easy for you to explain in body paragraph.

Considering both ideas, the cons surplus the pros of such advertisements, certainly claiming why should we consume such products while they have no benefits for us?!!

.. I think you should make conclusion clearly and relevant with your main ideas.

there need not be any limitations for such advertisements

.. there refers to?... is this what you mean "they do not need any limitations"
let me know your thought...
OP mika1998 4 / 13 3  
Feb 6, 2014   #7
many tnx for ur help
OP mika1998 4 / 13 3  
Feb 6, 2014   #8
hi.tnx for ur comment.its an FCE writing task dumi..well, it must be about 120-180 words, n my essay is exactly180 words...i made it much shorter than what it really was

and i have a question.do u think i must state two supports of ideas instead of agreement n disagreement?

n i meant in our society by there . n also tnx 4 ur helpful advices:)
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 6, 2014   #9
do u think i must state two supports of ideas instead of agreement n disagreement?

No, I think you can take a moderate stance by being in agreement and disagreement both. Then in the first body paragraphs, you need to justify why you agree and in the second one, justify why you disagree. Your essay needs to flow logically and that is the most important above all :)
halleybachelor 16 / 25 1  
Feb 6, 2014   #10
Some people believe that advertising dangerous products like cigarettes should be completely banned, although some others disagree.

I think it would be better to replace although with while .
OP mika1998 4 / 13 3  
Feb 6, 2014   #11
many tnx to u all for ur helpfull comments


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