Some high schools require all students to wear uniforms. Other high schools permit students to decide what to wear at school. Which of these two school policies do you think is better. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Whether it should be compulsory for high school students to wear uniforms or not has always been a bone of contention. Although freedom in clothing has its own benefits, I believe that obligatory uniform is the better policy, considering the immensely positive effects that it brings to both schools and students.
Many students nowadays prefer freestyle dressing as it creates a comfortable atmosphere, which is beneficial for their performance at school. Clothes are claimed to have a significant impact on people's mood. On wearing one's favorite outfits, that person feels more satisfied with him/herself and gain more self-confidence. Students, for that reason, can perform outstandingly at school thanks to the comfort and self-satisfaction brought on by their own clothes. Also, one's outer appearance can be a source of inspiration for another. Sitting in a classroom full of students wearing colorful outfits of different styles, one can easily get inspired by others and write a better essay or draw a nicer painting. It is true that freedom of choosing what to wear promotes mutual understanding. By judging their classmates through their clothing, one student can get a deeper overview of other's hobbies as well as habits.
Those in favor of uniformity at school state that dressing the same helps eliminate the gap between the rich and the poor, which can potentially reduce several school problems. To illustrate, it helps cover one's background, so there is little discrimination, leading to fewer cases of bullying and intimidation. Another reason is that it improves the school's aesthetic beauty, which tempts more boys and girls to attend the school. Teenagers, especially girls, are extremely concerned about their outer appearance, so stunning uniforms will be taken into serious consideration when it comes to choosing their future high school. Moreover, compulsory uniforms help promote discipline in class. A Special kind of clothing with badges and names contributes to developing a sense of pride and self-consciousness, preventing students from breaking the rules.
In conclusion, freedom in dressing to school has a good impact on students' academic performance and bring them closer together while compulsory uniforms reduce the number of offenses, improve discipline and become an attractive point of the school. Considering the current situation in such developing countries as our own, where class size is large and needs controlments, wearing uniforms is the optimal choice.
*I am preparing for exams and learning hard. I am very thankful for your reading my essay. Please make any correction or recommendation, as am longing for your feedbacks.
Lets start with the minor mistakes:
that person feels more satisfied with him/herself and gain more self-confidence
You are talking about person, therefore you should use "gains" instead of "gain"
one student
it is said "a student"
one's background
Personally I would say: "the student's background", it seems to me that you abuse a bit the use of "one" as a pronoun in this essay.
freedom in dressing to school
wrong preposition, it is "in school"
impact on the students' academic performance
I think that an article is missing in this sentence.
Overall i found your essay to be well written in terms of grammar and vocabulary. However, the point that you want to give is not totally clear. This essays are designed to prompt the writer to give a "black or white" opinion (or at least that was what my teacher told me), obviously the real answers for these questions are grayer, if they weren't it wouldn't be debatable. The problem with you essay, it seems to me, is that the conclusion is a bit weak. You talk about the pros of each option and then you say that in developed countries like yours it would be better to be strict. The inconvenient is that the raters probably don't know where you are from nor the situation there, and in the end your point goes under developed. If you wanted to convince the raters that uniforms are better you should have written about the pros and then give an example using the problems that developed countries are facing.
Finally, I hope that you do well on the test, Regards.
Hi Minh, I can see that you have gathered a very comprehensive feedback from one of EssayForum members. I believe that the above-mentioned feedback is really helpful towards your writing development. Now, I would like to give you some insights related to how to achieve band 6 or above in writing and give some measurements related to IELTS writing band descriptors of task 2.
Task Response:
- I do agree with Gabriel in this part. You have presented a relevant position but it is unfortunate that the conclusion is grayer or unclear. Perhaps, some teachers advice that you can partly choose either A or B but this often leads to an essay with no clear focus and a confusing structure. I suggest you for the next practice is that it is better to choose one side only and then you can fully elaborate on that point. Therefore, it is unfortunate that 5.5 is the maximum score for this part.
However, that is only for Task Response part. Actually, there are three other criteria in IELTS scoring. Those are Coherence and Cohesion (CC), Lexical Resource (LR), and Grammatical range and accuracy (GR). Task response covers 25% of your overall score in task 2. For the other three criteria, I think that the score on those parts are quite similar. It is still between 5.5 and 6.0 maximum due to some grammatical errors that appears in this essay. IELTS writing band descriptors can be downloaded in IELTS.org for free. One of the tips to reach a higher band in IELTS is to think like an examiner. Making band descriptors as your guidance is the best thing that you can do in order to have a capability to think like an examiner. Good luck for that :)
Hi MInh, its very good to read more of your articles here on EF and personally encourage you to write more often and be observant to other students writing. As mentioned before, reading will also enhance your vocabulary and this is a very good practice too.
Further to your essay, I do agree that having the freedom to dress in going to school will have a significant effect on the mental state of a student, sometimes it can boost their morale and sometimes, they can discover things or passion such as pursuing fashion, design or their artistic side ad this will definitely help them develop themselves into maturity too.
Wearing uniforms, on the other hand, will bring that uniformity to the class, it also gives that sense of discipline amongst students and will give pride to the institution they belong.
Overall, you managed to elaborately showcase your opinion towards the task at hand and this is necessary for you to be able to create that balance, it would also help if you did a little research about the topic, that is, if you want to create that contrast between opinion and a research note.
Hi Minh, I'm glad to help you edit some mistakes in your essay:
[b]beneficial for their performance not beneficial for but beneficial to
In general, your essay has only some minors mistake in grammar, however, you should concentrate more on your presentation. In the open section, you wrote that "Although freedom in clothing has its own benefits, I believe that obligatory uniform isthe better policy,considering the immensely positive effects that it brings to both schools and students.", when i read this, i think that you will choose to support high students to wear uniform. But in the next parts you write in both opinions, so your essay becomes very confusing and is hard to convince the readers.
It's my opinion, you should choose one side and focus on expressing your opinion, i'll be much better and you'll get a higher score.
By the way, thank you very much for your helping me last time....
