Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 8

IELTS - Compulsory military service for men and women


miri 2 / 7  
Jan 16, 2014   #1
Topic: Many countries have compulsory military service for men after they leave school. I would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men and possibly women.

In most countries the military service is obligatory for young people after finishing school. Some people think that it is a good system and should be adopted by all countries. I don't agree with this view because I believe that unless there is no any danger of war this system can cause many negative effects on both society and state budget.

On the one hand, I accept that military service has positive effects on people like teaching them to be strong and survive in danger situations. Also it makes people more accurately and disciplined as well as physically stronger and healthier. Soldiers, for example, are mcore likely to be accurate, shaved and not dirty, while in our society there are many people who don't care about it.

At the same time, I strongly believe people don't need to attend to army for reaching these positive points. Everybody can develop these good habits by themselves. Moreover, I think forcing young people to take military service is not a good idea for countries which are not in a war situation or in danger zones like the Middle East. Furthermore, it could results in problem in society not only because of government want their children to serve in the army but also because of increasing public expenditures. To maintain army is not easy and it costs much money. Since the state budget has to cover these expenses the tax payers can argue that having bigger arm than that they do is useless and they don't want their money to be spent in this way. It is possible that the most of them will consider it nothing more than wasting of money.

In conclusion, I agree that countries have to have compulsory military service but these are those countries which are in danger of war.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jan 16, 2014   #2
Hi Miri,

Here do I reveal from the introduction you've composed

I don't agree with this view because

While this is surely authentic, I don't agree with this view because

Anyway, I think you should stick thoroughly the topic given, as to know whether it is "(dis) agree'; (dis) advantages: discussion essay or not. As a result, it makes your readers gain the points from your writing.

Good Luck :)
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 16, 2014   #3
This is a pretty good introduction.Only you have not included the point about women servicing in the military. Your topic contains that too.

Also it makes people more accurately and disciplined as well as physically stronger and healthier.

Well, you are not favoring this idea. So, you better give reasons to justify why you do not agree with the idea. This paragraph is not really helping you to convince your reader about your position. If you are asked to discuss both view, then it's fine.

Note - I provide you with a structure for this task in your other thread.
OP miri 2 / 7  
Jan 16, 2014   #4
Yes you are right, I just forgot )) The question is, Do you agree or disagree with this statement.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 16, 2014   #5
Then keep supporting your opinion. Have all body paragraphs to justify your position on the issue by giving reasons to show the negative side of the statement.

Start your body paragraphs straight with reasoning your opinion. I wish you re-do this essay and post it here. You write pretty good and can aim for a good score :)
OP miri 2 / 7  
Jan 17, 2014   #6
So do you think that I don't need to show positive sides before justifying why I disagree? This point really confused me, because my tutor want me to mention advantages even I don't agree, and vice versa. So I don't know which structure I have to stick. ((
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 17, 2014   #7
You can take either positive or negative side of the argument as you feel which is better. Then in the body paragraphs, keep supporting whatever the side you took by giving reasons for that opinion. In this essay you do not agree with the statement and therefore you have to give the reasons as to why you don't agree. Hope it's clear now :)
OP miri 2 / 7  
Jan 17, 2014   #8
Thank you very much, for your helpful advice.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS - Compulsory military service for men and women