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IELTS Writing 2: Compulsory unpaid community service for high school students


TriceLiu 11 / 25 18  
Dec 6, 2019   #1

volunteering in communities for free



Prompt: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

Nowadays increasing numbers of high school students engage in volunteer community work. Some hold that high schools should include such work as an obligatory part of curriculum. I agree that community service can enhance students' various skills; however, it should not be a prerequisite for graduation.

Volunteer service in communities can help students develop skills that cannot be learnt from classrooms. Volunteer activities can boost students' interpersonal skills by engaging them with a wide range of community members. When volunteering, teenagers may learn how to communicate effectively with people of varied age groups and social backgrounds. Such skills would be valuable assets to students' future careers.

Compassion is another key quality that would be enhanced from community service. For instance, caregiver volunteers would be more likely to empathize with the elderly and those with physical difficulties. This experience may develop community service providers' compassion, a key attribute in a responsible member of society.

However, unpaid community service should not be mandatory for high school attendees, as the qualities that are expected to develop from community volunteering can also be gained elsewhere. Communication skills, for example, can be improved from paid part-time jobs. Moreover, some paid tasks including event organizing and product promoting can involve more intensive interaction with people than community service. Compassion can arise from volunteering developing countries, not necessarily in students' own community. Students should enjoy the right to choose between community service and various alternatives.

To conclude, volunteering in communities can enrich high school students by enhancing their interpersonal skills and compassion, preparing them to be qualified professionals and responsible citizens. Yet community service should only optional, because various alternatives can achieve similar, if not better, effects.

XPROFF 4 / 16 13  
Dec 6, 2019   #2
@TriceLiu
Hello,
I would like to share my feedback to your writing.

Firstly, You have a well written essay with well organized structure and well developed points.Just some feedbacks i think would help your writing.

In the prompt, it gives you two options only. Agree or disagree. I suggest only pick, but not both, so that you have a strong sided arguement.

Secondly, I feel that your introduction needs more information about what skills students gain through volunteering, rather than discuss them in the body. So that it gives an overview of what the writing will be discussed about. For examples, ...enhance students interpersonal skills, ability to communicate, and have compassion for others...

Also be mindful of puntuation, sentence clause and tenses in your first line of introduction. For example, Nowadays, there is an increase in numbers of high school students volunteer in the community works...

Above all, you have done a great job in your essay,I hope this feedback can help you in your writing.


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