This is fact that computer are more important for children now a days, as they should know new techniques and calculation, but at the same time its not good to learn basic mathematics on computer, as they could be lazy and dependent on computer. They could not utilize their brain if they will do simple mathematics on computer. They have to do more practice if they wants to improve basic of mathematics and command over the simple calculation.
In my personal opinion, children should avoid to use computer at initial classes just of simple mathematics equation, as it would not be beneficial for them to utilize their brain maximum. However, to gain latest knowledge or get updated information, they can use computer. Mathematics is use for proper calculation, if you could check the accuracy of any experiment. We can use mathematics as tool to get accurate result.
Some school of thought says that advance computer technology is very essential and important as they are teaching through computer base assignment, which require advance computer technology. Some professional students like mechanical, electrical and computer engineer required computer base project, because they require updated information. For getting advance technology education, students prefer to go abroad, they are very giving updated education and after that they could utilize in practical field. Those students, who have latest technology education, they are very demanding all over the world. Companies are offering excellent packages.
One of the best example of advance technology filed is mobile companies. Every mobile company are giving unique services to their customers in order to compete in the market and for this reason they use latest technology software. Everyday, we see new packages are offering by mobile companies according to customer needs. Now a days, its very common that company create people need to fulfill their requirement.
JAFF, welcome to the team :) I think that next time you need to be careful in writing a title. It should be in a clear format besides only mentioning the topic. Is it an IELTS essay, or TOEFL, or perhaps a scholarship / school assignment's essay. However, with regards to your essay, you can see the detailed descriptions about my feedback below. I hope you can follow through the feedback given.
1st paragraph:
- This isIn fact, that computer are more important for children now a daysthese days as they should know new computing techniques and calculation. butHowever, at the same time, it is not good to learn basic mathematics on computer as theychildren could be lazy and dependent on computer. (Sorry to say that this is a bad starting point, too complex and too complicated sentence. You need to avoid composing a complicated sentence in the next practice. Remember, introduction is related to the first impression of the reader(s). Then, I've separated that sentence.
- They could not utilizeare not using their brain if they will do simple mathematical calculation on computer.
- They have to do more practices if they wants to improve their basic of mathematics...
2nd paragraph:
- ...children should avoid to use computer at initial classes just ofif it is only for a simple mathematics equation as it would not be beneficial for them to , and they will not be able to utilize their brain to a maximum level.
- However, they can use computer to gain latest knowledge or get updated information, they can use computer.
- Computerized calculation should only be used to checkMathematics is use for proper calculation, if you could check the accuracy of any experiment. (You need to simplify your language in order to make the reader easily understand. Remember, clarity is the king.)
- WePeople can use mathematicscomputerized calculation of mathematics as a tool to get an accurate result. (avoid using personal pronoun (we, you, our, us, I) in academic essay. This makes your essay becomes less formal)
Hi Jaff, indeed WELCOME to the forum, it's always good to welcome yet another member of this very valuable and credible forum.
Now, first impression to your essay, it's as though I am reading an essay that lacks a link to each and every idea that you are trying to convey to your readers. To elaborate this finding, please find the modifications below;
- This isIt's a fact that
- computers are more important
- for children now a daysnowadays ,
- mathematics onin the computers ,
- as they could be lazy and dependent on computerthis machines .
- mathematics on computer .
- they wants to improve basic of mathematics
- avoid to use computer at initial classes
- to utilize their brain to its maximum capability .
- However, to gain the latest knowledge
- or get updated information, they can use the computers .
- Mathematics is used for proper calculation,
There you have it Jaff, I hope I was able to show you the difference in completing the sentence with the minor details such as the linking verbs and choosing the right form of words to incorporate in your sentences.
