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( IELTS essay) computer games good or bad for children?


joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Jan 19, 2013   #1
Nowadays, children play computer games for long hours and they do not play old traditional games. What do you think is the reason? Do you think this influences children in a good or a bad way?

Computer games became a passion among people, particularly the children of the new generation. Although there are so many reasons behind this trend, I strongly believe that it will adversely influence people in numerous ways.

People are indulged in computer games, because of various reasons. Chief among these is addition to these games. These programs motivate pupils to involve in this more time by giving them new targets and scores. The competitive spirit in the younger generation like to break each level and gain more points faster than their peer group. Therefore, parents should keep an eye on them. Lack of sufficient outdoor space is another reason. Those who are living in cities, especially in flats are facing this problem. Ignorance of rules to follow a game and absence of enough friends to participate in a game, further keep them on computer games. In the virtual world of computer games, they can satisfy their suppressed emotions such as beating or killing and burst out their anger safely. Lastly, parental restrictions to go outside home due to the absence of supervision and security reasons block children from engaging outdoor games.

Admittedly, whatever are the reasons of engaging in computer games, I feel it bring lot of disadvantages. Their participation in outdoor games will diminish which are excellent opportunities of mingling with peer group in the outer real world; enhance their communication skills, and a good chance for exercises. These may pave way to isolation and behavioral problems. Hence, the games take away long hours, they may have issues like bad academic performances, lack of concentration and so on. Computer games are increasingly leads to obesity since these children are lacking exercises. Health problems such as back pain, eyestrain, problems in fingers and so forth, may give rise to drastic impacts in their future life too.

To conclude computer games are now gaining ground among children. One should choose the computer game, especially the time spend for it wisely by considering it's cons in their lives and the parents should supervise them.
tutu51595 6 / 19 3  
Jan 19, 2013   #2
Nowadays, children play computer games for long hours and they do not play old traditional games. What do you think is the reason? Do you think this influences children in a good or a bad way?

Computer games became a passion among people, particularly the children of the new generation. Although there are so many reasons behind this trend, I strongly believe that it will adversely influence people in numerous ways.

People are indulged in computer games, because of various reasons. Chief among these is addition to these games. These programs motivate pupils to involve in this more time by giving them new targets and scores. The competitive spirit in the younger generation likes to break each level and gain more points faster than their peers. Therefore, parents should keep an eye on them (specify why "them" are). Lack of sufficient outdoor space is another reason (include reason) Those who are living in cities, especially in flats(,) are facing this problem. Ignorance of rules to follow a game and absence of enough friends to participate in a game, further keep them (specify "them") on computer games. In the virtual world of computer games, they can express their suppressed emotions by beating or killing fictional characters.and burst out their anger safely . Lastly, parental restrictions to go outside home due to the absence of supervision and security reasons block children from engaging outdoor games.

Admittedly, whatever are the reasons of engaging in computer games, I feel it brings lot of disadvantages. Their participation in outdoor games will diminish which are excellent opportunities of mingling with peers in the outer real world; enhance their communication skills, and a good chance for exercises . These

(specify what you mean by "these") may pave way to isolation and behavioral problems. Hence, the games take away long hours, they (again specify they) may have issues like bad academic performances and lack of concentration and so on . Computer games are increasingly leading to obesity since these children are lacking exercises . Health problems such as back pain, eyestrain, and problems in fingers and so forth , may give rise to drastic impacts in their future life as well.

To concludeComputer games are now gaining ground among children. Children should be supervised and spend their time engaged in healthier activities outside of their gaming room.

You had a few awkward sentences and a couple ambiguous spots but i did my best to correct them, other than that you had a strong point and a very nice topic. Nice work!
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Jan 19, 2013   #3
Chief among these is addition to these games.

Chief among these is addiction to these games.

These programs motivate pupils to involve in this more time by giving them new targets and scores.

These programs are made in such a way to motivate players to set new targets and scores, thereby making them play for long hours.

The competitive spirit in the younger generation like to break each level and gain more points faster than their peer group.

... Good point.

Ignorance of rules to follow a game and absence of enough friends to participate in a game, further keep them on computer games.

Ignorance of rules to follow a game and absence of enough friends to participate in a game, is another reason for them to be fond of computer games.

YOuhave given some very good points :)
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jan 19, 2013   #4
Computer games becamehave become a passion among people, particularly the children of the new generation.

... very good opening :)

Although there are so many reasons behind this trend, I strongly believe that it will adversely influencepeoplechildren in numerous ways.

.... always keep the alignment with the topic; it is directed at children
Good introduction; simple, interesting and well presented :)

Admittedly, whatever are the reasons of engaging in computer games, I feel it bring lot of disadvantages.Their participation in outdoor games will diminish which are excellent opportunities of mingling with peer group in the outer real world;

You have not mentioned about anybody ( I mean children or people) in the first line. Therefore, the word "Their" in the second line fails to refer to anybody.

Good ideas and a well presented essay... pay attention to small technical errors you made here.... you are doing really good :)
XAVI XAVY 2 / 2  
Jan 20, 2013   #5
1) If you could change one important thing about your country, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
As per the change is concerned, change usually accurse whenever the activities dose not go normal and having problem in achieving the results.
If I given a chance to change one important thing at my country, I will change the current governmental system which is fighting against the corruption.

There are many reasons to change the system
Firstly Afghanistan is the first country which is full of corruption among all over the world.
Secondly there were many countries who given free donation to our country but it did not had clear result , still there are many people who are living under the poverty line, the GDP growth is not growing up and we have many people who are graduated from universities and colleges but are jobless.

Thirdly the countries and specially USA will come out from Afghanistan at 2014, the country need rapid growth, by any mean may be the extraction of the natural resources, well educated army, national police and many other governmental sectors.
devabe2005 46 / 97  
Jan 20, 2013   #6
to involve in this (for is missing) more time -->to involve in this for more time
Atalla 2 / 5 2  
Jan 20, 2013   #7
joythblessy
I think there is nothing left for me to give feedback on, except for the last sentence.
(by considering it's cons in their lives) ---There is no apostrophe ( by considering its cons in their lives)

Keep it up
OP joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Jan 21, 2013   #8
Hai...
Dumi and pahan..
As usual thanks for your valuable corrections..

Hai dev and Tutu...
Thanks for your concern and time..

Hai Sahr..
i was in confusion about that apostrophy..
A big thanks..

Tessy


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