Hello all,
this in my first essay for IELTS writing task 2, Your strong feedback and constructive criticism will improve my writing, so feel free to give your suggestion. thanks before.
Question:
Computers should never be invented.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Over two decades, computer has made a very vital impact on society. The use of computer technology has affected every aspect of life. However, some societies believe that the computer should not existed due to the negative impact. To argue the view that contra about computer invention, i shall refer to several evidences to show that computer was invented as a solution.
Firstly, people need to work their tasks quickly, easily, and efficiently. Computer technology comes to save time and reduce the effort. Taking education as an example, students can digitize the homework using computer and send it to their teacher by email anytime, so teacher can give correction immediately, instead of writing it in paper and collecting it on the day after. Secondly, computer technologies allow us to centralize the data. Once the information has been inputted as data in computer, it can be easily accessed by many people anytime. This function can reduce the work load of spreading information. For example, Jakarta Governor's office centralized all data from the ministry in one application, so everyone who needs the specific data can access it online, instead of visiting the ministry office in person. It can help the government to reduce bureaucracy system by software that offer the simplest way for people to retrieve the information.
In the other side, many people use computers without positive purpose. They play games and chat for a long period of time, resulting waste of time and energy. For example, kids and adults are now spending time more on the social media websites which is considerably bad for both studies and health. In addition, some irresponsible parties use computer to hack and steal the important data. The data stored on a computer can be accessed by unauthorized persons through networks. For example, they hacked the credit card numbers of the people or they steal important data from big organizations. It has created serious problems for the data security.
To sum up, there is no doubt to argue that computer was invented to give us many benefits. The disadvantages only come because people use the technology in improper way. In the future, people should be wise to use this device for right purposes and the government should provide the high-protection for cyber security.
Hello
Please check for the articles (a, an, the ) that are missing in your essay. Over two decades, a computer has made a very vital impact on society.
... the computer should not existedexist due to the negative impact.
"I"should always be in capitalsTo argue the view that contra about computer invention, i shall refer to several pieces of evidence to show that a computer was invented as a solution.
Hello;
Has a very vital impact ( has made ..)
computer should not existed [ Computer should not been invented ]
i shall refer to several evidences to show that computer was invented as a solution.[ I am going to refer OR I would refer ]
reduce the effort [ reduces the effort ..]
Taking education as an example, students can digitize the homework [As an example, during education, students can type their homeworks..]
and send it to their teacher by email anytime [ send them ..]
so teacher can give correction immediately, instead of writing it in paper and collecting it on the day after. [ So teacher can correct them immediately by computer faster in compare of accurate them manually by pen.. ] maybe it seems better:)
has been inputted[ has been entered]
resulting waste of time and energy [ it is kind of waste of time and energy]
spending time more [spending more time]
bad for both [ have a bad effect on both..]
Hi mei, I have a several suggestions to your essay. Hope it helps.
Over two decades, computer has made a very vital impact on society.
The use of computer technology has affected every aspect of life.
Its quite good, but your idea seems repeated continuously. I suggest you to combine like this one.
The escalation of computer usage over two decades has influenced lots of paramount aspects in our life.
However, some societies believe that the computer should not existed due to the negative impact.
To argue the view that contra about computer invention, i shall refer to several evidences to show that computer was invented as a solution.
Since its an agree or disagree statement, you should state your position, whether disagree or agree .
Best luck mey
