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and this essay will explain the reasons supporting my view.
What the examiner is looking for when he reads your opinion sentence is the basic reason behind it. Why do you believe your opinion is correct? Tell him about the reason for your view in a single sentence. The reviewer does not need to know that you will be explaining the reasons for your view, that is a given based on the instructions provided. The prompt + restatement should always clearly state:
- The topic based on the writer's understanding
- The public reason based on the writer's interpretation
- The (extent) opinion of the writer
- The reason(s) for the writer's opinion ( 2 topics maximum to cover the 2 reasoning paragraphs). This will be the thesis statement for the discussion paragraphs.
Following this format, you will achieve a better task score.
learning computer skills at an early age could benefit children in their vocational paths
This is the actual topic for this paragraph. It should be presented as the anchor sentence / first sentence in the paragraph. The topic focus for the paragraph should come before the explanation. You cannot present your reasons first, then the topic after. The examiner bases the clarity of your paragraph on the topic anchor. So always anchor the topic first. Your explanation was good. It just was not placed in the correct position for it to bring a cohesive clarity to your paragraph. You did a better job of explaining your reason in the second paragraph. It has an anchor topic presented at the beginning.
To sum up
Your summation is only 33 words. The requirement for this section is at least 40 words. What is missing is the restatement of your 2 reasons. Give a quick run-down of your reasons to meet the word requirement for this paragraph and also, prove that you are capable of delivering an effective reverse paraphrase to the examiner.