Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children
Computers and children
In contemporary world, due to advancement field of computer technology, using a computer plays an essential role in our lives. While I accept that using computer can sometimes bring an enormous number of positive effects on youngsters, I believe that they are more likely to have harmful impacts.
On the one hand, computer has made children's lives easier numerous ways. From an educational perspective, thanks to useful tool, young users could be easily to gain more knowledge and access to a wealth of information about various subjects and researches. Therefore, they could develop their skills such as computer literacy, presentation skills and debating throughout their studies and working lives. What is more, by transported into using a computer with the cyber world which are often more fascinating than real-life pastimes, they could take a break from studying and recharge their mind.
However, I would argue that these benefits are outweighed by drawbacks. Becoming getting involved with social network, children could highly possible become computer addicts, leading to reducing academic performance. This is because they are finding it difficult to meet the deadlines of their school assignments and concentrate on reviewing their lessons. From a health perspective, children sitting in front of a computer screen more hours a day would have detrimental influence on their health problems. According to a research by the WHO in 2015, about 80% of teenagers sticking their eyes on computer screen are more likely to face higher risk of obesity than the ordinary people due to sedentary lifestyle and lack of exercises which is necessary for staying fit and healthy.
In conclusion, I agree that the potential dangers of using a computer are more significant than the possible benefits.
I really like your synonym in your essay such as essential , detrimental. In my opinion, i think that in your introduction, the first sentence is good but the second sentence i think you should combination instead of use "i accept" and "i believe". In addition, your conclusion , i think you should to write longer.
Your vocabulary in this essay impressed me but your tone of debating confused me. There is a very little sharp contrast between positive effects and negative effects, at which the end of the essay, I am unable to aware of your opinion. In addition, your conclusion sentence is too short. It should have been more than one. I think your writing is naturally and good in general, though.