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Computers are more accessible and cheaper, more adults work at home and students study at home


ilufatsy16 2 / 3 1  
Oct 11, 2014   #1
Please help me correct this essay. Thank you !

No1. Computers are more accessible and cheaper, as the result, more adults work at home and students study at home. Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, with the advances in technologies, computer is less costly and more reachable than ever before. As a consequence, work efficiency has been improved significantly and students are allowed widely to study away from school. However, I would argue this is not a sustainable practice for a variety of reasons given in this essay.

On the one hand, constantly staying at home for work or study might give rise to an acute stress. As a matter of fact, some adults or some students, who work or study away from company or school can highly meet with heavy burden as they have to carry the responsibility for the whole task they are in charge of. Students can rarely consult their tutors and exchange ideas with their classmates. As a result, a majority of them find it substaintially hard to meet the deadlines of tasks or assignments and finally fail to withstand the pressure and become deeply depressed.

On the other hand, working and studying as a team can promote and facilitate soft skills. People might have more chance to talk and exchange ideas with each other. They can debate over and together develop the best potential plans. Likewise, in a group of students, the good ones can help the bad ones to solve the difficult assignments. Some intelligent students might even compete with each other to get the first place in school which consequently create the enthusiasm for their deeply studying and understanding of the subjects. It is apparent that people and students could hardly acquire these skills if they kept themselves away from offices and schools.

In conclusion, to work or study at home has become a prevailing trend recently thanks to computers technologies advancement. However, it would better if adults and students could work and study with colleages and classmates.

(301 words)

lephuc 3 / 10 3  
Oct 11, 2014   #2
you wrote: Some intelligent students might even compete with each other to get the first place in school which consequently create the enthusiasm for their deeply studying and understanding of the subjects. I think because 'Some intelligent students might even compete with each other to get the first place in school' is the subject of your sentence so the word 'create' must be replaced by 'creates'.

and I think 'more chance' should be 'more chances'.
And I also think working at home does not mean 'you do not have more chance to talk and exchange ideas with each other'. :))


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