Education has evolved a great deal since the introduction of computers to the students.
Understood but incorrect. Your focus is on the improvement of education due to computers. The original topic refers to the essential need for computers in education. You accidentally reversed the discussion topic.
Computers have given a lot of benefits
but there are also drawbacks
When instructed to discuss the A and D, present 2 topic sentences for each focus. That means that a thesis statement is a required scoring element.
and give your opinion
Why did you add an instruction to the prompt? The Advantage V. Disadvantage instruction uses a comparative discussion that never requires a personal opinion. Did you notice how you did not give a personal opinion in the restatement paragraph? That is because you consciously knew that the last instruction was not a part of the orginal presentation.
Try to avoid using numerical ordinals when transitioning from one related topic to the next. While numerical counts will recieve scores, the use of advanced transition pleases or sentences help to better boost certain scoring elements in relation to cohesiveness and grammar scoring.
The conclusion is too brief. It lacks the 40 word minimum reference as represented by the discussion summary paraphrase. Always recap the previous points individually, over 5 sentences in the last paragraph.