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computers have complicated people's life- agree disagree TOEFL essay

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Jan 25, 2010   #1
I am waiting your helps please correct my essay!!

There is no doubt that computers are a revolution for human being. Although some people think that computers are complex and stressful, obviously, they have made our lives much easier since they involved our life. Moreover, I suppose that computers will become a necessity like food and water to the mankind.

First of all, computers change people's life in a way that we do not have to waste our time with data analyzing and calculating rather than downloading data to computer in order to make an analyze as well as it provides science to improve much faster. Besides, as it is well known, computer is useful not only in science but also in different areas like in banks. For example, computers are a link between banks and their costumers; they can keep all the information about costumers' account.

Secondly, knowledge of computer was difficult at its first time, but now, children are able to do their homework as well. Moreover, nowadays homeschooling and distant learning are regarded as a favorable tool for new generation. Therefore students and teachers cannot waste their time on the school way and the students are protected from epidemic diseases like swan flu which recently threaten most countries.

Finally, as computer is used for many areas, it is also used in keeping touch with people. For example last year I went to England to studying English and I wanted to speak with my friends and my family everyday. In order to telecommunication prices too high, I could get into touch with them on internet. Although I could not see them while we were speaking on mobile phone, we could see each other on internet. After I turned back Turkey, I could also keep in touch my friends from different countries.

As a result, computer makes people's life easier rather than complicating their lives. Anymore pople do their daily routines with computer, like paying the bills, communicating, and even studying. Furthermore, obviously, the more improvement computers show, the more computers continue to be used.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Jan 25, 2010   #2
Yang gave you a great way to fix this sentence:
There is no doubt that computers are a revolution for human being.
He suggested that you should write "the appearance of" so that your sentence will be clearer. Computers are not a revolution. Their appearance in the world was like a revolution. The invention of computers made possible a kind of revolution in the way we do things.

Yang gave such great corrections, but I hope you understand it all. Grammar is hard to understand!

when you talk about computers, you can refer to it with an s on the end, because you are talking about all the computers:

As a result, computers make people's life easier...
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Jan 26, 2010   #3
thanks for your all comments kevin and yin
anymore it is more clear to me.. i think i must focus on my sentences.

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