Hi guys! I need help to edit my small essay for my English class. I am studying English so i think it must have many things wrong need correcting.
Thanks for any help from everybody!!!
Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and discuss at least one problem
Computers are made with expecting purpose helping people's life more easier. But nowadays, there are too much influences of computer on work. The proof is some jobs position which are completely replaced by computer should have been for human. This may cause something bad we have never thought.
In the present days, there are many jobs which are expected to be supported by computer but the truth is that computer replaced human. First of all, students can choose courses to learn on internet by a computer instead of a teacher before. Even studying programs on computer are applied in college or university. Automatic ticket-selling machines at cinemas or bus stations gradually replaced ticket sellers. In processed food factories, the technological chain do all specific tasks such as: cleaning, cutting, slicing... . Handwritten letter is replaced by electronic mails, so staffs in post office can lose their jobs. Moreover, jobs of management, science, service and accountant may be lost due to computer.
There are many problems can be encountered by people. Firstly, the appearance of computer impacts to increase the rate of unemployment. For example, many jobs are replaced by the computers, so they loss their jobs on account of development of technology. Beside, unemployment means rising crime, poor quality of life, ... This also means the life of people is getting worse, not better as we thought.
Finally, we cannot deny that in addition to advantages, computers did provide a lot of unexpected disadvantages. It's time for governments now to make relevant solutions to unemployment problems
... purpose helping people's life more easier; However, nowadays, there areis too much influences of computer on work. The proof is some jobs positions , which are completely (...) have been for humans .
Hi guy, I have just improved something in your paragraph, I hope it is correct and helpful for you.
1. You have some troubles with relative clause
2. Lack of linking words (First of all, secondly, thirdly, moreover, last but not least..)
3. Repeat one the word: "lose" many time, you should use more synonym: quit, retire early, .
4. And some other unnamed mistakes
Computers are made with expecting purpose ... >>> The expecting purpose of computer invention is helping our life easier.
The proof is some jobs position which are completely ... (relative clause mistake) >>> . The remarkable proof is some job positions which should have been for human completely replaced by computer.
This may cause something bad we have never thought.>>> This may cause some negative effects we have never thought before.
there are many jobs which are expected to ... >>> there are many jobs which are expected computer as a supporter but the truth is that computer has completely replaced human in these case
students can choose courses to learn on ... >>> students tend to choose e-learning courses in the internet by computer instead of teachers as they used to do
you have to write more clearly when you turn into the other idea
Automatic ticket-selling machines at cinemas or ...
Secondly, in term of cinemas or bus stations , automatic ticket-selling machines gradually replaced ticket sellers.
There are many job expect computer as a supporter
