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Computers and operation systems - My introduction


Raz 1 / -  
Mar 26, 2010   #1
Hi I just Need some one to check this intro for me pls...

As computers are becoming an increasingly vital need today, companies are competing about releasing different operating systems. Therefore, users face problems in distinguishing which operating system they need. An operating system is an interface between the computer and the outside world that interacts with user through a set of commands, and provides a software platform on which applications can run. Due to the development of different fields, a specific operating system is essential for successful companies and users such as UNIX, Macintosh and Windows. Thus, Macintosh has become popular for simplifying processes, specializing and offering better resolution. In order to decide whether Mac OS X is the right operating system, we have to study operating systems from different angles: what is an operating system, examples of operating systems, and why Mac OS X might be the operating system of the future.

meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Mar 27, 2010   #2
Hi Roze,
<comments> (suggestions)

Okay, this intro is a start... I'm guessing you didn't write the rest out yet? What exactly are you trying to write about in this essay? Is it

to study operating systems from different angles

? or are you trying to talk about Mac OS X specifically? make it clear early and take some of the other parts out for later in your essay.

bon chance~
comet2000 10 / 48  
Mar 27, 2010   #3
As computers are becoming an increasingly vital need today (this part sounds really weird.) , companies are competing abouton releasing different operating systems.

comments: are you talking about all the operating systems or just mainly talking about Mac OS X? it is unclear on what you are referring to. it feels like you are just going from one thing to another.
phanhuuhoan - / 1  
Mar 27, 2010   #4
what is Mac OSX ?
OSX is a wonderful operating system ...

^^ well come to Viet Nam .
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
Mar 28, 2010   #5
How about "compete to" instead of "compete about"
...are competing about releasing to release the best operating systems.

As computers are becoming an increasingly vital need today (this part sounds really weird.)

Good point! It is tough because o number disagreement. You could also to this:
As computers represent an increasingly vital need...----- this way, you are not saying computers (plural) are a need (singular). Instead, they "represent" the need.

:-)

Use a question mark when you pose those questions at the end:

what is an operating system? What are some examples of operating systems? Why Mac OS X might be the operating system of the future?

For good organization, start each of the next 3 paragraphs with sentences about each of these 3 questions, in order.


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