Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 3

Computers are regarded as the most influential invention of the last century


dieuthaonguyen 1 / 2 1  
Feb 8, 2020   #1

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years



As technology is on its upsurge, there are many devices designed by artificial intelligience and latest modern technology. It is undeniable that computers are regarded as the most influential invention which play an important part of the last hundred years. From my point of view, the advent of computers is essential because of wonderful benefits they bring about.

First and foremost, it is obvious that computers help us change the way we interact with each other. Besides the conventional means of communication such as face to face or letters, people in modern life can easily keep in contact with others by social network with the use of computers. Moreover, computers will help people save their time in shopping effectively with online shopping applications which are always available.

Secondly, computers play a significant role in education. They are one of indispensable facilities at schools and universities. Without the assistance of computers, teachers and professors will have difficulties in presenting their lecture precisely and vividly so that their students can fully make out the lessons. Computers help students improve their self-study skills as well. For example, these days in Vietnam, there emerges a dangerous epidemic called nCoV. Vietnamese students are forced to stay at home for a fortnight to avoid catching this fatal disease, which poses an interuption in students' study. Therefore, almost every school tend to using online teaching methods, give assignments to students through Facebook or email and encourage students join online courses to continue their study as usual.

Lastly, computers are the first choice that are highly recommended for entertainment. By using computers, people can play video games, watch movies and listen to music to relieve stress after hard-working days. For adults, computers help them update the breaking news and absorb the latest information and events occurring around the world.

In conclusion, the advent of computers is the most important due to the way they improve human's life.

parviz 3 / 7  
Feb 8, 2020   #2
The essay is well extended, however it needs minor changes.

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the last century computers have undeniably had the greatest influence on our lives. I completely agree with this statement.
First ... obvious that Computers help us change have revolutionized the way we ...
... contact with others on social media via our computers and the Internet. Moreover, computers ... available. Moreover, most of business transactions are negotiated via e-mails, computer based apps, such as Skype. This is much faster, more reliable and environmentally friendly than meeting face to face or telephoning.

In addition to making our interactions faster and easier, Secondly, computers play ...

By the time you finish the second paragraph, you will have run out of time, if you are doing IELTS task 2. I'd never do a third paragraph.

In conclusion, the advent of ...
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,888 2167  
Feb 9, 2020   #3
The whole discussion does not follow the required parameters of the original topic. I am not sure why you decided to change the discussion instructions for this essay which are:

OP: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
YP: From my point of view, the advent of computers is essential because of wonderful benefits they bring about.


As you can see, you totally deviated from the task assigned fro discussion based on your response to the question. This is a combination response essay. Meaning, you have to present a measured response based on an opinion. The measured response explanation will be based on the discussion instruction which was:

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

While your body paragraphs will be scored in accordance with the evidentiary response you gave, you will still be scored lower in the TA section as you did not properly address the question being asked with an appropriate measured response. In addition to that, there is no proper summarized discussion presented in your conclusion. The conclusion did not follow the required information presentation for the Task 2 essay.

Even though you wrote over the required number of words, 309 words tells me that you did not time yourself while writing this task, please use a timer to help you gauge how well you write within the time limits, the long essay will not help improve your overall score because of the problems I indicated above. You could have presented a strong argument within 275-300 words if you only remained on point throughout the discussion paragraphs and concluding presentation.


Home / Writing Feedback / Computers are regarded as the most influential invention of the last century