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Writing 2: Computers replacing teachers / Money Education

Arlen 20 / 40 3  
Mar 22, 2017   #1

Computers, Money and Education

Computers, robots, or any AI application, these high technologies with high intelligence are using widely in modern life. Some people think this kind of tech can replace human being in certain area, furthermore, replacing some occupations requiring professional skills, like teachers. As for me, I am on the opposite position with this statement.

The first reason is that the ability of teachers is far than teaching knowledge. By sharing the attitudes toward life and their teaching experiences that accumulate by years, the value of a teacher is a model they act to students. Especially for the young generation, which tend to imitate someone they admire. In contrast, Computers are apparently cannot establish any good example to anyone.

The other reason I disagree to let computer eliminate teachers is due to the things students need to learn are more than textbooks. They learn how to cope with other gender; to experience the life in team term; to study how to stress the pressure when encountering frustrates. These situations sound happening in peer, however, the really position leading them to border their horizon is the key role -teachers. Without the instruction of teacher, the things students learn may be misleading or distortion. This is the feature that computers cannot replace-the interaction with others.

The practicalists may argue that the biggest benefit is saving money, since the cost on human hiring must higher than machines. Having say that, I think these people are too utilitarian orientation. It cannot be denied that money is worth considering, but I think education is so important that cannot be measured by money.

To sum up, I suppose that no matter how useful computers could be, teachers are still indispensable for the reasons I proofed.

okorobiadimma14 6 / 82 50  
Mar 23, 2017   #2
Arlenliu, it is of utmost importance that you post the exact prompts of your essay alongside your draft so as to avail to us the basis upon which your write-up would be evaluated. It is usually difficult to tell if a prompt has been answered when, in the first place, the prompt was posted. Having said that, I will give a general review of your essay. A common rule for this kind of essay is that the topic question must be paraphrased in your opening statement. Right now, I cannot tell if you properly paraphrased the topic question of your essay or not. The next thing to do (still in the introductory paragraph) is to develop a thesis statement that highlights what you will discuss in the body of your essay with respect to the requirements of the prompt. Then pick each topic highlighted in the opening paragraph and discuss them one after another in separate paragraphs, 2-3 paragraphs are sufficient. After that, conclude your essay in a concise manner. I can tell from your current draft that you understand the requirements of the prompt. However, your English grammar is very poor and it hinders the cohesiveness and coherence of this version of your essay. Kindly get yourself some English grammar materials that will help you to improve in that regard and imbibe constant practice. That way, you will surely improve faster than you can imagine. I must say that your conclusion is typical of what is expected in this kind of essay.

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