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IELTS Task 2 - Essay about computers' translation - hoping for review


tuanhoa010203 3 / 3  
Nov 20, 2020   #1
Computers today can quickly and accurately translate languages, therefore, it is a waste of time to learn a foreign language.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


-------------------- My work ---------------------
In this modern era, computers have played a leading role in providing convenience in various aspects of life. Since it is faster and more precise to translate via computer programs, learning a new language seems time-consuming to many people. From my perpective, significant as the aid of computer-based translator, acquiring a different language cannot be considered inferior due to manifold reasons.

To start with, the speedy work of translating applications on phones can offer their users a range of merits, however, overshadowed by the natures of a language speaker. For instance, travellers who find it hard to learn or pronounce certain languages can resort to quick translations from apps for urgent questions about directions in case they get lost. On the other hand, while tourists using auto-translating softwares can find their ways to aspired destinations, language learners can build new relationships by having deeper conversations in a more human manner with local people. Furthermore, although massive in vocabulary storage, the mechanical voice from apps cannot convey aspects of emotions. Unlike the emotionless verbal recordings, human speech can deliver feelings and moods that add authenticity and trustworthiness to communication.

Another strength of translating programs lies in their high accuracy in interpretation which, however, cannot outweigh the drawbacks it brings. It is not surprising nowadays to see more and more apps that not only offer precise translations but also pay meticulous attention to grammatical errors. Capitalizing this miraculous function, many students are able to achieve considerably high grades when dealing with writing homework. While they keep obtaining remarkable scores with hand-in assignments, they simultaneously fail to achieve the same excellence when it comes to real-time writing tests where the use of technological devices is prohibited. This way of learning is alarmingly detrimental as they may grow more and more dependent on computers, and consequently, become lazy thinkers.

In conclusion, advantageous as the lingual shortcuts computers provide us, they should only be treated as assistance not replacement for conventional language acquisition. The reasons for this vary from the lack of deep messages and genuine emotions to being banned in test rooms and causing adverse impacts on students' way of learning.

SwoleMcBro 1 / 1 2  
Nov 20, 2020   #2
... computers have played play a leading role in providing convenience in various aspects of to life. ... seems time-consuming to many people. From my perspective, significant as the aid ...

To start with, the speedy work merits of translating ... can offer their users a range of merits, however, overshadowed by overshadow the natures ... For instance, travelers who find it ...

... auto-translating software can find their ways to aspired destinations, ... Furthermore, although massive in vocabulary storage, the mechanical voice ... convey aspects of emotions.

... in interpretation which, however, cannot outweigh ... Capitalizing on this miraculous ...

In conclusion, advantageous as ... as assistance not a replacement for ...
A bit abrupt of an ending, maybe instead of this last sentence, dedicate 2 sentences (1 for each point) to reiterate your points. You could wrap this up with an open-ended sentence that prompts your audience to think. Like.... "where translation fails to compare with speech shows what makes learning languages important"....or something like that

The way I answer "to what extent" questions is to acknowledge the opposing argument first before refuting with my argument, for every body paragraph. I make it my rule to keep opposing arguments out of the topic sentences. It's up to you if you want it there, but I think it clouds your argument. I also think emphasizing where your points are with phrases like "Firstly" , "Finally", "To end, " is essay practice, because it seems that your points are so hard to find that you need to show the reader where it is.
Miirs 1 / 1 1  
Nov 20, 2020   #3
Are you a native speaker? Because this looks very well written.
Apart from a few omissions of prepositions that I can see, your essay is good to go. Below, I will insert brackets where corrections should be made.

"[as] significant as the aid of ..."

"To start with, [though] the speedy work of ... merits,[this is] however overshadowed by ..."

Remove however in the opening sentence of the third paragraph.

" Capitalizing [on] this miraculous function"

" In conclusion, [as] advantageous as the lingual shortcuts"
OP tuanhoa010203 3 / 3  
2 days ago   #4
@SwoleMcBro
Thank you so much for your time and effort. Your advice is extremely helpful.
@Miirs
Thank you so much as well. I am just a language learner not a native speaker though I am trying hard to learn the native natural writing. Your correction is much appreciated.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,709 3055  
2 days ago   #5
You have presented an extremely long discussion that never answered the question, "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" You wrote an epic of a paper at 357 words. A number of words that cannot be written within the 40 minute time frame if you consider that you still need to proof read the essay prior to submission. Regardless of the number of words that you wrote, and the reasons you presented, since you did not respond to the question asked and, you changed the discussion topic in the process, you will not get a passing score for this essay. You failed to understand the discussion requirement and format as indicated in the prompt. You included information in your paraphrase that are not part of the original discussion, you failed to show that you understand questions when given in English. Your actual response is not related to the given discussion at all.

Here is a simple comparison of the original and your response:

OQ: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Response: From my perpective, significant as the aid of computer-based translator, acquiring a different language cannot be considered inferior due to manifold reasons.

You should be able to clearly see where your mistake lies and why you changed the discussion topic of the essay right? Thus leading to an overall failing TA score. Now, add to this your LR, C&C, and other problems / errors in the presentation. All of these elements will add up to your failing overall score. You will do well to first review the work of others when it comes to addressing the Task 2 topic. You can review the presentations here. These should help you do a better job in your next practice test. As of now, this is an impossibly hopeless essay that cannot get a passing score.


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