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Are computers the most vital innovation?

Amy Tran 2 / 2  
Apr 28, 2020   #1

Computers as the most important invention of the last hundred years

These days, computers play an essential role in our society. Some people think that ones are the most vital innovation of the last decades. While others believe other inventions are of more importance. In my opinion, I completely agree that the computers become crucial electronic device.

The first reason, date system of computers can store a great amount of documents without wasting the storage space as a manual way of writing. For example, students can use the computer to find or register to borrow books at athenaeum. This way is more convenient and we will not spend much time statisticing the number of books that have been borrowed. In addition reason above, they are programed a powerful tool which help us perform intensive human labour or mundane tasks such as calculating, data analysis and managing various systems, and copying texts. Therefore, the computers enhance our efficiency substantially.

Besides, the computers are also many benefits, especially the application to educational environment. For instance, The Vietnamese Ministry of Education recommends to the government that national high school exam in 2021 should be organized on the computers in order to ensure transparency and accuracy in grading. Furthermore, human can use the computers as communicative tool by connecting social network like Facebook, Instagram or Weibo. This means that people will have a chance to meet family through apps or make friend from different cultures and background.

In conclusion, the computers has made our life be more convenient and reduced a lot of manual tasks. As such, I agree that the computer is the most important invention in the last 100 years.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,378 2892  
Apr 28, 2020   #2
Amy, do not focus on using big words such as "athaneum" in the essay. I know, you found a big word in the dictionary and could not wait to use it. Guess what? Using complicated words that do not really fit in the overall sentence representation will not help your score. Mostly because the word was used out of context. That means, instead of increasing your score, you actually deducted from the LR score. The examiner will look for proper word usage in the paragraphs. He will also be on the lookout for the smoothness of the word in the sentence. That means, the sentence has to feel natural when read. In this case, that did not happen. You could have used the word library instead and gained a LR score boost instead of the deduction that this word represents.

You should also be concentrating on writing clear English sentences. No matter how simple the presentation, if the meaning is clear to the examiner because the word choices were correct, you will get a scoring consideration instead of a deduction. The first sentence in your first reasoning paragraph was just a big mess of incoherence. It did not provide a clear topic sentence for the examiner to consider. Let me show you a better way of representing that sentence:

Your Version: The first reason, date system of computers can store a great amount of documents without wasting the storage space as a manual way of writing.

My Version:. Consider that the computer can store vast amounts of data in the form of documents and books, within its memory. This allows the library to collect more information in digital form instead of wasting space storing printed books on a limited number of shelves.

While your presentation was shorter, it was not as clear as my presentation, which was divided into single sentence explanations for clarity / coherence in the presentation. Thus making my presentation the better one.

Your second reasoning paragraph lacks coherence because of the two topic presentation. The two topics your presented were not related to one another, creating a non-cohesive paragraph presentation. The second part should have been a separate paragraph, with a fully developed supporting presentation. These under developed explanations will affect your TA score adversely.

Based on these two problem points alone you will be able to understand why your essay cannot be given a passing score. It does not qualify due to the problematic TA, LR, GRA, and C&C presentations.

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