the importance of data
Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research , business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
My answer is :
The concept of Intelligent Property become more and more popular in this high-tech world. Some people believe that it is good to share information about scientific papers, business secret and the academic knowledge as much as possible, and others say that it is too important to be shared freely. In my view, I believe that some business information or scientific papers should be shared without any money or hesitation.
On the one hand, companies can improve their technology and products more efficiently with sharing some scientific skills and business information from others. Sharing scientific information can help two different kind of companies work together to develop new technology or products easily. In addition, people can solve some serious problems which make bad effect to human beings now. For example, using a wide variety of domain knowledge to deal with the famine problem. Agriculture companies and Biogenetic companies can make more GM food to overcome this problem.
On the other hand, it is not fair for some companies to share such information to others freely because they already spent lots of money and time on it. In order to discover or find out some useful researches or business information, people have to build a specific team to do much experiments.
In conclusion, Although it is difficult to find out new information in scientific research, business and academic world, we should share our information to work together to solve some specific problems we are facing now and it is worth it.
I will take the 8/4 exam
could anyone tell me whether there is any "cohesion and coherence" problem to my article above?
or some grammar and vocabulary errors...
small punctuation problem:
-->good to share information about scientific papers, business secret, and academic knowledge
try not to add some useless word that seems redundant
more and more popular
-->their technology and products (leave one of them is enough in my opinion)
cohesion and coherence
-->I will say that almost 10 "and" in the article are too many, try to use other conjunction~~
-->Some people believe that it is good..., while others say that it is too important
hope you get your score~~
Well, there are some grammar errors. I will try my best to help you.
...Some people believe that it is good to share information about scientific papers, business secret, and academic knowledge as much as possible. Others say that it is too important to be shared freely...
...should be shared without any money or hesitation. ---this part I think is a little bit confusing
...two different kinds...
...In addition, people can solve some serious problems which make bad effects on human beings...
...to do many experiments...
In conclusion, although it is...
Despite some of the mistakes that you made, I think you did a great job on your writing. The proportion of the paragraphs could be arranged better though. Hopefully, you would find my opinion helpful and wish you the best for the exam ahead.
thanks for your advice!!!!