[ielts] Should we only be concerned with our own communities and countries?

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In some previous years, assisting each other is not an activity aiming for personal benefits only. Among people around the world, this trend is growing positively. Especially, the field of action is widened from community into worldwide range.

When doing a charity, we should not distinguish between our nation and these others. The reasons for that are absolutely simple: we are of the same race even if we come from different nations and the important meaning of help lies in what you have given. Did you bring the poor what exactly they want? Did you really sympathize and feeling their hurts? And whether you do these work with your heart? Those are what you should concern about.

Moreover, helping each other is the lofty and beautiful behavior that can improve the relationship among nations all over the world. For instance, in 1970, Vietnamese army helped Cambodian subvert Pon Pot government, which is return the peace life toward Cambodia. Vietnamese do that without weighing the pros and the cons. Above all, they understand deeply the meaning of solidarity and friendship that they received. In the modern world, if one nation just tends to develop itself but pays attention in these others, it will be isolated and lose the friendships.

To summarize, helps should be done with our honest heart. We can start with assisting people around us and then broaden in some distance locations. Although, people have limited abilities, I ensure that with the enthusiasm and desire of helping each other there will not any barriers between us./.

I would be grateful if you can help me improve my writing skill.
I am looking forward to receiving your feedback soon. Thank you.
;)

this should not be included in such formal writing like IELTS. There are ways to use formal language rather than asking people's opinions

Plus, you should not use too many pronouns, especially : "You" which can affect your writing style.


"did" actually. However this sentence is unclear, it should be combined to the previous one.

These above are what i found in your essay. Hope these things will help you to progress your writing :)

Pronoun usages are fine as long as you use it accurately. Ielts is not a uni test so do not worry about pronouns. It is a myth. While your examiner scores your essay, s/he looks mainly how many mistakes your essay contains. Would you answer ' it is felt that government should help poor people' if the question is ' do you think govt should help poor people'?

You should write your opinion by using 'I'.

' I agree with this'

Not ' It is felt that ...'

You'd lose score.

However,It is not a good idea to write ' you' to the examiner. To increase your score, work on your mistakes and task response.