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Writing Task 1: the condition of Stokeford village in 1930 and in 2010


mita23 34 / 37 3  
Feb 4, 2016   #1
The maps illustrate the condition of Stokeford village in 1930 and in 2010. Overall, it can obviously be seen that the most noticeable change is that open area was replaced by various kinds of residences.

Moving to more detailed explanation, in the north side of the village, figure of the bridge and the frame of River Stoke were not altered while the farmland area in 1930 was substituted by extended house in 2010. There were also changes in the opposite side of it in which houses became larger and made two shops disappeared. Fortunately, the construction of post office still existed over an eighty-year period. Next, primary school got two extension buildings which made the appearance of the school bigger than before.

Turning to the south part from post office, many citizens' dwellings can be seen, having square pattern and existing around the road, replacing the farmland area. Opposite these accommodations, there were retirement houses as the output of large houses substitution. In addition to this, the new buildings, particularly in front of the retirement block, took garden area.

bukhari1 1 / 6 1  
Feb 4, 2016   #2
All corrections (proposed) are in brackets.

... change is that open area was replaced by various kinds of residences.
(Replace "area" with the kind of land it was, for example grassland or plains etc)

Moving to more detailed explanation, in the north side of the village, figure of the bridge and the frame of River Stoke were not altered while the farmland area in 1930 was substituted by extended house in 2010.

(Refrain from using "side" when you are mentioning North, South, East or West. Always keep it as "in the north".
("Moving on" to "a" more detailed explanation)
(substituted by extended "housing" in 2010)

There were also changes in the opposite side of it in which houses became larger and made two shops disappeared. Fortunately, the construction of post office still existed over an eighty-year period.

(changes "on" the opposite side of it "which resulted in the enlargement of houses and the disappearance of shops".
(Fortunately, the "post office building" still "stood" after an eighty year period.

Turning to the south part (same mistake of using "side" from post office, many citizens' dwellings can ...

Opposite (opposite "to" these accommodations, there were retirement houses as the output of large houses substitution (of the substitution of large houses).

In addition to this, the new buildings, particularly in front of the retirement block, took garden area.(used up the garden area)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Feb 5, 2016   #3
This report is well-done. Yet, a slight improvement on the overview is needed. Developing a 2-sentence overview aligning with the body paragraphs is a must. This is what students with a score of 7 and above do in the report. A closer look at my sample below.

Overall, it can obviously be seen that ...
Overall, noticeable changes are seen in the some rural areas over the period in question. In any case, more buildings are constructed, while some listed landmarks remained virtually unchanged.

I suggest downloading band descriptor task 1 to compare and contrast what is in the TA for a band 5, 6 and 7.


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