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Is there any connection between children's learning ability at school and the food that they eat?


septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Nov 4, 2016   #1
To learn effectively, children need to eat healthy meal at school. How true is this statemment? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?

Writing Task 2, Practice Test, Page 130


Most people think that there is a connection between children's learning ability at school and the food that they eat. In my opinion, this statement is true and I would argue that parents have the main role to provide healtier food for children.

With regards to its merit of healthy meal, it is able to give high nutrition for children and it relates to the brain develepment. Pupils can be more concentrate to accept a new knowledge from teachers without any difficulties. It is proved, according to the survey from Cambridge University that reveals 78% of young people can memorize 50 words a day after they have eaten high protein and vitamin food, such as a glass of milk and a bowl of salad. As a result, students can study some new vocabularies and increase their reading ability and writing ability. Therefore, it is important for children to eat healthly.

Concerning to a person, who has big responsbility to provide meal, is actually their own parent. It is because they have to take care and pay much attention for their children's development. For instance, if a pupil brings his own meal box, it might reduce this child to buy junk food that is sold in food stall. Thus, parent do not have to aware due to their children have brought and ate home-made cooking at school. Hence, parent should provide their healthy meal.

Overall, it is undeniable that young people can learn effectively if they consume more healthyly. Henceforward, this food should be prepared and cooked by own parent, so children can eat it at school. (266 words)

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Nov 4, 2016   #2
Hi Septia..
these are my thoughts towards your essay


In my opinion, this statement is true and I would argue that parents have ...

I am surprised to see your progress. You have shown the better progress. Actually, your thesis statement is simple and can cover all. However, you passed the first question "How true...". There needed a little explanation.

Turning to the first body paragraph, you have learned previous experience. You can demonstrate your ability to build the complex sentence. The examiner can admit your good ability in the grammar. Besides that, you successfully create the good flow. I can get the points of your writing. Only a little time is needed to read your essay, and I got them. I never paused to find the meaning of your sentences. Although you harness the simple words, but you avoided the repetition. Following that, you pick up the example relating to your opinion. I appreciate your effort because you order the research from which almost all people know about that institution.

Thus, parent do not have to aware due to their children ...

Please, make sure what you write is like what you mind. It is really contradictive with previous statement.
THUS, THE PARENTS DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY SINCE THEIR CHILDREN BRING AND EAT HOME-MADE.............

Overall, it is undeniable that young people can learn effectively if they consume more healthyly.

Where is the conclusion for the second question?

OVERALL, YOUR ESSAY IS A GOOD JOB
mardian24 46 / 75  
Nov 4, 2016   #3
Hi septiadara29, let me give some comments

1. There are some errors in spelling
healtier ----> healthier
develepment ----> development
healthly ----> healthy
responsbility ----> responsibility
healthyly ----> healthily
It is better for you to spare your time at least 3-5 minutes to check your spelling

2. it is undeniable that young peoplekids can learn effectively
It is better to use kid as a paraphrase than young people to replace children

Thank You
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