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The connection of using energy and releasing greenhouse gas in Australia


Thanggggg 1 / 1  
Aug 2, 2019   #1

Writing task 1 - CamIELTS 10 (gas emissions)



This is my first task , please help me check it!
"The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."

A glance at two pie charts provided reveals the relationship of using energy and releasing greenhouse gas in Australia.
It is clear that the proportion of power which is using for heating is the most, while greenhouse gas emission is not equivalent too, also water heating has great contribution in 2 graphs.

Standing at 42%, the percentage of heating is on top of using energy in Australia, followed by that of water heating, at approximately 30%, the second-highest overall. In stack contrast, the figure for other appliances makes up 15% and the rest, including refrigeration, lighting, cooling occupy trivial proportion, just 7%.

In term of greenhouse gas release, water heating and other appliance are the major causes, with 32% and 28% respectively. In comparison with data of refrigeration and heating are almost equal, about 15% each. Both lighting and cooling is the lowest of contributing to production of total gas emissions, just 11%.
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Aug 2, 2019   #2
@Thanggggg
Hi. Good luck on your first task! I will try my best to provide you with feedback on your writing. Before that, I would like to note that it would be helpful if you could provide us with photos of the charts next time to help us with assessing your written work.

With what I am provided here, I can say that you had quite a clear-cut approach to writing. This is appreciated, especially when you're required to write with ease the information and details that you have.

However, I would recommend working on simplifying some of your messier sentences. For example, your second paragraph is quite unclear because of the stark differentiation between this work and others. The placement of percentages could have been neater to assist us in understanding your work better.
OP Thanggggg 1 / 1  
Aug 2, 2019   #3
@Maria
Thanks for your feedback. This is the photo what you need.
Sincerely,





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