Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

IELTS TASK1; The consequence of a survey of grown up person education


fanix 3 / 7  
Mar 16, 2014   #1
Given charts below illustrate the consequence of a survey of grown up
person education. The first bar chart gives reasons of study decision
which is done by adult students, while the second chart shows people
opinion regarding how payments of adult education should be shared.

It is clear from the bar chart that more significant reasons of adult
education are interest in subjects and to obtain qualifications which are
highest percentages taken by them.

According to the chart, 40 % of adults decided to study,because they
are interested in subjects, while second reason is very close to first
reason with 38% which students want to gain qualification. Next three
reasons get very similar percentages to each other from 20 to 22%. The
other reason is able to change jobs get 12%. Interestingly, few adults
decide to study to meet people with about less than 10 percent, more
specifically 9 percent.

The pie chart shows, thе cost of taxpayer course should be shared 25%, while employer course 35%. Largest part of pie chart taken by
individual course which should be shared 40%.




JasS 10 / 30  
Mar 17, 2014   #2
In your Intro, you just perephrased words but the structure is still the same. try to change it as well

and you wrote the word ''reason'' many times, it sounds the repetition

In your third body, you gave all details. you have to describe only the main and attractive details.

while the second chart shows people
opinion regarding how payments of adult education should be shared.

The second graph illustrates thoughts about the tuitions of the univercities/higher educations.

it is clear from the bar chart that more significant reasons of adult
education are interest in subjects

Overall/It is clear that most students are intrested in subjects .

and your overview is about only the bar chart. What about pie chart?
OP fanix 3 / 7  
Mar 17, 2014   #3
are you sure that I didn't change the structure ?!
and I think my sentences more complax than you recommend
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 17, 2014   #4
It is clear from the bar chart that more significant reasons of adult education are interest in subjects and to obtain qualifications which are highest percentages taken by them.

... I feel you can improve this overview a little bit more;
Overall, the most significant reasons for adult education have been the interest in subjects and obtain qualifications while it was the individuals who bore the majority portion of the cost of the subject.

Overall, you have presented it very well :)
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Mar 17, 2014   #5
Given charts below illustrate the consequence of a survey of grown up person education.

I feel that this sentence is not necessary. Although it is shown in the prompt that the charts are the results of a survey, it is the data from the charts that you should focus on.

which is done by adult students

of adult students

It is clear from the bar chart that more significant reasons of adult education are interest in subjects and to obtain qualifications which are highest percentages taken by them.

You should include main features of both the bar chart and the pie chart in this overview paragraph.

40 % of adults decided decide to study, because they are interested in subjects

The comma after "study" should be omitted.

with about less than 10 percent, more specifically 9 percent .

thе cost of taxpayer course should be shared 25%, while employer course 35%

taxpayers should share 25% of total costs of education, which is 10% lower than the corresponding figure for employers.

Largest part of pie chart taken by individual course which should be shared 40%.

I think this sentence should be written first in the fourth paragraph as it is the most significant feature.
Individuals should be responsible for the highest percentage of tuition fees with 40%.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1; The consequence of a survey of grown up person education