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I consider it as a natural behaviour that the human beings rely more often nowadays on one another


Abraham22 20 / 11 15  
Nov 4, 2015   #1
People in the past used to be more dependent on one another, whereas nowadays they lead a more independent life. Do you agree or disagree ?

As human being reliance too much on others is a natural behaviour. While most people in the preceding era were more likely to rely on one another due to lack of abilities to do some activities, others now prefer working independently because of a tight competition. I utterly believe that becoming independence is the great way to enrich the quality of life.

With regard to previous periods, less ability encouraged people to lean on others. This happened since a wide range of works done could be completed and make the activity easier . Taking a rural area in Indonesia to be an example, the all inhabitants helped each other to run close-knit community together. When one of them wanted to build a house, they helped one another in order that the house could be stand out as soon as possible. All in all, it is clear that dependence on one another was a crucial need.

However, as a consequence of development era, people are obligated to become an independent person. The immense competition among societies to get the job is the main reason why this occurs. For instance, the daily needs force people to compete each other to fulfil all of their necessaries. This means that they have to enable to pay more attention to themselves since no time to reckon another. Above all, to become an independent person is a must.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that it is true, the level of reliance was very high particularly to help each other. Yet, I would argue that an independent life teaches people to be closely with the good life.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 4, 2015   #2
Aditya, I can sense that you are trying your best to make yourself understood in the written English language. Truth be told, you are somewhat successful in that quest because the meaning of what you are writing is clear. There is just a problem with the way that you construct your sentences. Let me help you clean that up below. Then after, I will offer your some advice regarding how to improve your essay writing skills.

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As human beingS reliance WE TEND TO RELY too much on others is a AS A natural behaviour. While most people in the preceding era PEOPLE IN THE PAST were more likely to rely on one another due to lack of abilities to do PERFORM some activities, . o Others now prefer working independently because of a tight competition THE EXISTENCE OF TOOLS AND GADGETS THAT MAKE LIFE EASIER. I utterly believe that becoming independence INDEPENDENT is the A great way to enrich the quality of life.THEREFORE, I AGREE THAT PEOPLE TODAY LEAD A MORE INDEPENDENT LIFE.

COMMENT: YOU FORGOT TO PRESENT YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE THESIS PROMPT. YOU WERE ABLE TO RESTATE THE PROMPT IN YOUR OWN MANNER, YOU JUST FORGOT TO PRESENT YOUR POINT OF VIEW AS A PART OF THE INTRODUCTION PARAGRAPH.

With regard to previous periods, less ability encouraged people to lean on others. This happened since a wide range of works done could be completed and make the activity easier WAS BECAUSE THE HELP OF OTHERS WAS NECESSARY IN ORDER TO COMPLETE TASKS. Taking TAKE a rural area in Indonesia to be AS an example, the all inhabitants helped each other to run A close-knit community together . When one of them wanted to build a house, they helped one another in order that the house could be stand out as soon as possible. THEY PULLED THEIR RESOURCES AND ENERGY TOGETHER SO THAT THE HOUSE COULD BE BUILT AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. All in all, it is THIS SCENARIO MAKES IT clear that dependence on one another was a crucial need.

However, a As a consequence RESULT of THE development era, people are obligated to FELT THE NEED TO become an independent person. The immense competition among societies to get the job DONE is the main reason why this occurs. For instance, the daily needs force people to compete WITH each other to fulfiLl all of their necessaries NECESSITIES. This means that they have to enable to ARE ABLE TO pay more attention to themselves since no time to reckon another THEY DON'T HAVE TIME TO SOCIALIZE OR WORK WITH EACH OTHER. . Above all, to become an independent person is a must.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that it is true, the level of reliance was very high AT THAT TIME particularly to help each other. Yet, I would argue that an independent life teaches people to be closely ( CLOSELY WHAT?) with the good life.

COMMENT: REWORK YOUR CONCLUSION TO BE CLEARER AND MORE FORMAT RESPONSIVE. REMEMBER, 3 SENTENCES PER PARAGRAPH IS THE MINIMUM.

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Please take the time to read the various properly written essays that are available online. Learn how to develop your format and discussion based upon the previous and successful examples of essays based upon the prompts you are working with now. You can easily find sample essays based upon them online. If you read the samples first, you should be able to better develop your own essay both grammatically and intellectually.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Nov 4, 2015   #3
As human being reliance too much on others ...
... is the great way to enrich the quality of life.

This is good. Yet, it seems that you are trying to use BIG words, which interrupt the flaws.
Human beings' reliance too much on others is natural behaviour. This idea is true when it comes to the bygone era. Past life led people to be more dependent, since they lived in strong close-knit community, while I believed that the converse would be appear to be true for today's life due to the frantic pace.


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