'console games became the least popular': The global sales of different types of digital games IELTS

The bar chart illustrates the four different types of digital game that was sold during the period from 2000 to 2006.
It is worth mentioning that handheld games were the highest throughout the period. All the given categories except console games showed a rising trend in the sales over the period.

In particular, console games became the least popular digital game from being at the second place. There was a gradual decrease from 6 billion to 3 billion dollars. Meanwhile, online games grew steadily from 1 billion to 9 billion dollars. This rise was particularly noticeable between 2003 and 2006, during which time the sales of online games tripled.

On the other hand, the sales of handheld games and mobile phone games showed a similar pattern of a steady growth. The figure for mobile phone games increased slowly from around 2 billions in 2000 to 7 billions in 2006, while that for handheld games went through slight rise from approximately 11 billion dollars in 2000 to just under 18 billion dollars.

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Chou, I would like to try to assess your writing based on IELTS writing band descriptors of task 1, especially in Task Achievement part. It is actually quite similar to IELTS task 2, but it has slight different term. If in Task 2 you can see Task Response, but in Task 1 you will see Task Achievement. However, the detailed descriptions below are my feedback and assessment towards your essay. I hope you can follow through the feedback given.

Task Achievement:
- I can see that you have addressed the requirements of the task. You have also presented an overview with information appropriately selected. However, I think the key features or bullet points could be more fully extended if you want to reach more than 6.5. For instance, in these sentences "Meanwhile, online games grew steadily from 1 billion to 9 billion dollars. This rise was particularly noticeable between 2003 and 2006, during which time the sales of online games tripled. " can be summarized and then elaborated further by adding more information instead of restating it again. You can write this "Meanwhile, between 2003 and 2006, the sales of online games was gradually tripled from 1 billion to 9 billion dollars." You can elaborate it further by mentioning "the exact same amount of sales for both online and mobile phone games in 2004" . The point is to make you see and write what others can't see from the chart.

Hi Chou, here's another take for your essay.

- The bar chart illustrates the four different
- All theThe given categories
- except the console games

- at the second place.
- There wasis a gradual
- which time, the sales of online games tripled.

- that for the handheld games
- it went through a slight

There you have it Chou, overall, the analysis is written well, just a lille polishing is needed to strengthen the analysis.
For future writing reference, mind the placement of your ideas and make sure that you don't forget to include the minor details of the sentence such as the punctuation marks, the proper construction of your sentences lies in the hands of what constitutes the sentence. What I love about your analysis however, is the fact that you are able to categorically present the idea behind the graph presented in this analysis.