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In this consumer driven economy, owning redundant possessions is a commonly practiced custom


mehbub 3 / 7  
Aug 31, 2016   #1
Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent from having this problem?

In this consumer driven economy, owning redundant possessions is a commonly practiced custom by the human beings. Even in the low income group of people, this is evident. Being up-to-the-minute and status symbol in the pursuit of social contest along with influences of commercials are the major factors behind this norm.

To begin with, current age group is mostly focused towards the upcoming fashion that varies from latest gadgets to hottest outfits. This market group can easily be accessible through social or electronic media as well as online marketplace. Early bird booking of smart phone gadgets like 'Apple Iphone 7' or 'Samsung Galaxy' can be taken as an example where the majority buyers are actually own smart devices already. Moreover, attachment of celebrities with the trendy products also manipulates people from all income groups. For instances , female heroin's are usually seen as a brand ambassador of face whitening cream which easily attracts people from all around the world although mass knows that is not going to help them. Hence, the above makes it clear that sometimes people are exercising needless shopping only they are influenced by friends or relatives or even by social icons.

In order to stem this behavior, I firmly believe that appropriate education from social institutes like, family, school or community center can play a vital role to control this conduct. If juveniles as well as adults can get knowledge of real value of money as well as balanced lifestyle with career goals, then things can improve rapidly. Even, the Government can take initiative like imposing hefty taxes on luxurious products that I believe will positively correlate the less buying of unimportant stuffs.

As a concluding statement, I want to restate that adverse impact of advertisement as well as continuous demand of being fashionable opens the avenue to own less required belongings. To control this behavior, all kinds of social institutes should come forward and educating the society which can act as a catalyst to improve the situation.

ionksm 1 / 1  
Aug 31, 2016   #2
Hi, I'd like to comment some tentative phrases.

Your writing is quite clear, but I think you can be slightly changing to informal style (tentative sentences)

ex)

all kinds of social institutes should come forward
-> all kinds of social institutes should consider ~~

I firmly believe that
-> It is logical to think that or It is sensible to consider that

Clear essay!
dinartika19 37 / 67 6  
Sep 2, 2016   #3
Hi Mem!

The current age (...) focused towards thean upcoming fashion thatwhich varies from the latest gadgets to the hottest outfits.

An Early bird booking of ...

Moreover, the attachment of celebrities with the trendy products

from social institutes like,such as family, school or community center

Hence, the abovethe reason makes it clear ...

the Government can take an initiative likesuch as imposing
OP mehbub 3 / 7  
Sep 8, 2016   #4
@ionksm : thank you. will try some tentative phrases.
@dinartika19 : thank you. seems lots of mistakes in Articles. will try it.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Sep 8, 2016   #5
Hi Mehbub, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website to be a great outlet for your writing and we strive to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback that will strengthen your writing project and get you ready for submission.

As I go through your essay, I must say you managed to construct a well rounded and strong essay, it depicted what you exactly want your readers to understand and this is the whole purpose of writing an essay, making sure that the one who reads the essay understands it and knows exactly what the message of the essay is.

Having said this, as much as I think the essay started strong, I believe the last paragraph can still be enhanced.

- As a concluding statement, I want to restatereiterate - that an adverse impact of
- opens thean avenue to
- and educatingeducate the society which
- can act as a catalyst to improve the situation and help the society for greater welfare .

There you ave it Mehbub, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and do let us know should you need further assistance.
OP mehbub 3 / 7  
Sep 9, 2016   #6
Hi justivy03,

Thanks for your valuable points. I will be very grateful if you have time to rate my essay as per IELTS band scale.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Sep 9, 2016   #7
Hi Mehbub, we appreciate you words of acknowledging our work here on EF, we definitely aim at providing you the most accurate and valuable feedback, so you will be able to confidently submit your writing projects and also hone your writing skills as well as develop new writing techniques.

Now, as much as I want to rate your essay base on IELTS standards, I will not be able to, as the IELTS certified verifiers are the only ones who can rate your essay as per their respective standards. What I can assure you though, is that, as per the english language usage standards and how you approach this particular essay, I will give you an 8, 8 out of 10 because, there is still a room for improvement and I know you will be able to enhance your essay further.

Overall, I suggest that you keep on writing, it doesn't need to be a writing project, it can be just a regular writing that you have thought of or a small draft where you write your thoughts. Reading will also help you add and widen your vocabulary and this will give you an edge when it comes to sentence construction.


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