IELTS Writing Task 2: The consumption of the world's resources ( oil, and water etc)

IELTS Writing Task 2:
The consumption of the world's resources ( oil, and water, etc.) is increasing at a dangerous rate.

What are the causes and solutions?

Answers:

Natural resources over-use is a challenging problem in today's world that need to be put into consideration. There are a variety of reasons behind this, yet there are viable measures to mitigate this resources over-consumption phenomenon.

First and foremost, the advancements in technology, development and research in the contemporary era increase the exploitation of minerals and raw materials. In addition, a rapid and consistent increase in the population expands the needs for resources; as a result, the resources would also be excessively exploited for business purposes. Finally, the forest areas which are the source of valuable materials for medicine and food are being cleared for farming industries. This would lead to the extinction of many wild species and also responsible for natural disasters such as flooding and drought.

Measures should be taken in order to deal with this severe problem. One possible solution is that the government should educate people with the sustainable use of natural resources. Furthermore, renewable energy such as solar and wind power can be explored more and utilized to reduce the dependency on fossil fuel which can also reduce the amount of toxic emission into the environment. Last but not least, conservation projects such as growing trees or Earth hour should be often held to spread the messages of natural resources preservation and raise awareness of people.

To summarize, the depletion of natural resources is the human being's problem that needs to be resolved. However, it can hardly be solved by only the government's work. It takes a great deal of effort from both the authority and individuals.

Please help me to correct this essay-big thanks.

@noilamsaohetday
Hi, your second paragraph is just a list of causes of overconsumption, and the last sentence gives the consequences. I think better way would be to choose two causes from your list and explain them in details. You can fit it in 5 or 6 sentences. Your last sentence about the consequences is not necessary in my opinion, as the task did not ask about this.

Similar problem is with the third paragraph, you list solutions without explaining how exactly they will help to solve the overconsumption problem.

@RomanKoch
Thank you for your comment. I will try to improve it.