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The contemporary society have witnessed significant breakthrough of advertisement industry


daubu2200 1 / 1  
Nov 27, 2016   #1
Topic: Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?
(please give me an appropriate band , thanks ^^ )

The contemporary society have witnessed significant breakthrough of technology , especially advertisement industry . These ever-rising incidences of aforementioned fields have drawn enomous attention from individuals and community.From my perspective , both positive and negative aspects are recognised effortlessly and will be investigated in this essay.

On the one hand , there are 2 underlying explanations for beneficial aspects.The first convincing foundation is the fact that consumers have been offered wide range of products , diverse sources of information and unlimited choices , particularly with the omnipresence of television and Internet.To be more specific , not only affluents or white-collar workers but also have-nots and underprivileged individuals are given incentives to get access to both international , domestical commodities at reasonable prices , which will facilitate them to ameliorate life standards.Another justification supporting for this point of view is increase in work opportunities , products quality improvement.Competitive markets are assumed to stimulate numerous companies cultivate their respective commodities so as to attract more people , on the similar note , increase annual revenue , which turn result in social benefits.Moreover , employment prospects will enhance in direct correlation with positive surge in advertisement industry's employees.

On the other hand the development could exert detrimental impact on citizens'conception.Some low-quality brands will easily disparage trustworhty products , create common sense of distrust and prejudice against domestical goods.As outlined previously , it is obvious that profit improvement could be seen in the short-term ,however, in the long run , the higher influx of fundings possibly turn out to be extravagant investments.Second , onlookers , who have been bombarded by biased and proof-less information will embody disrespect .Indeed, only small proportion of citizens seriously pay attention to these advertisements.

In conclusion , prevalence of this industry bring pragmatic value to society , however , beneficial aspects could not outweigh negative sides

Holt - / 7,593 2001  
Nov 27, 2016   #2
ERWS, you are supposed to be writing a singular opinion paper based upon the prompt requirements. You were to choose one side of the discussion to side with and defend. By writing about 2 opinions, you end up writing counter to the instructions of the prompt. There is no clear representation of your opinion in the opening statement which could have been the solid foundation of the succeeding prompt discussions. Due to these problems with your opening statement, you task accuracy would have a band level of 3. There is a clear misunderstanding of the prompt and its requirements. As such, you ended up depicting the wrong paraphrasing of the prompt and also failed to accurately discuss the requirements of the discussion. That is why I hesitate to rate the rest of your essay in terms of coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, and grammar accuracy. None of the succeeding brackets would have properly represented the discussion you were required to render an opinion of. Therefore, you would get an overall failing mark for this essay, I would like to give you an opportunity to revise the content to become more prompt adherent instead of failing you in all the brackets. Please try to develop a new essay based on the same prompt. This time, using only one opinion throughout the essay.
NinaJoesuf25 36 / 66 4  
Nov 27, 2016   #3
Hi Daubu,

The contemporary society havehas witnessed significant (...), especially advertisement industry .industry of advertisement.
... aforementioned fields have drawnpaidenomousan enormously attention from
From my perspective, both positive and negative aspects are recognised effortlessly ... (well, I think for the last sentence it is better if you state what the positive effect and vice versa)

In conclusion , prevalence of this industry bring pragmatic value to society , however , ...

This paragraph is too short and not clear. It is suggested that you should write at least 3 sentences in each paragraph. Subsequently, the word however is followed by subject verb.
utsi 4 / 8 2  
Nov 27, 2016   #4
@daubu2200
You have gone thoroughly into the prompt and have written a good essay. But the line "however, in the long run , the higher influx of fundings possibly turn out to be extravagant investments." is ambiguous.
OP daubu2200 1 / 1  
Nov 27, 2016   #5
Thanks all your feedbacks , utsi ,NinaJoesuf25,Holt .However I have some questions : Is it compulsory to investigate only 1 aspects ?
NinaJoesuf25 36 / 66 4  
Nov 27, 2016   #6
@daubu2200
Yes Daubu, I think you should argue just one side positive or the converse.
If you take positive effect into your account, you should strongly make all paragraphs to discuss positive from introduction to conclusion.


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