Continuing Study to University Contrasted to Working or Traveling

This is a writing based on the question below, in IELTS reading Test.

In some countries young people are encourage to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Continuation of Study

Nowadays, after graduating senior high school, the student has so many choices to do. They may continue to the university, or just take a break. In some countries, young people persuade to take a trip or to take an occupation. In my opinion, there are two benefits and two drawbacks.

The first point for the benefit of taking job or traveling is the gapper can find their passion. To perform working or journey, childhood will meet new people. They can learn many things from them. Youth can attain experience and new knowledge there. Finding this passion is able to occur when they try to explore other things that they never did before. It can be obtained from working, even only a year. Young teenagers also have much free time. This is the best way to take a trip. By journey they will meet so many people in different background. They are capable of getting new inspiration there. The second point is having a fresh mind. After exploring many places and working for a year, they already have experience. It is means the adolescence have an open mind. It helps them to decide what major they need to take, where they should study in university. They already have their target. The young generation can also get more information from their friends who previously in the university.

The drawbacks cover two things. The first drawback is the young people automatically must review their learning material when they were in the school. This is because the youthful require memorizing again their study to pass the examination of the campus where they want to join. Young generation must learn more and more to catch the target. The second disadvantage is late in graduating. The gapper will be slower in getting their degree compared with their friend in senior high school. It is because they are late in joining the universities as students compare with their friends which are continue to the university without break.

To conclude, I believe that the benefits of postponing study in university are better. Finding passions during journey and working will lead the adolescence to attain the targets at the time of studying in university. Passion will show the way they can choose in the future. Passion will inspire them to do some interesting things to innovate.

Hi, hirani, I tried to correct your essay but after reviewing, I think i should give you some advice instead.

1. Wrong words
E.g.
Gapper represents some people jumping through two gaps. (please correct me if I am wrong)
Childhood is the period from birth to being adolescence, but does not refer to people / children / student / teenager.

2. Some statements are too complicated but not complete.
E.g. "Passion" is mentioned many times in 2nd paragraph, but there is no concrete information of what the passion is.
Do you referring the passion on something special, in particular science, technology or research?

3. Idea is repeated but not well elaboration
E.g. In 3rd paragraph, the student late for university will be a year later than the peers joining the real society. You try to explain the reason, but I think the reason is too obvious. I suggest to state the disadvantage of late in graduation.

4. The conclusion is too general and repeating the ideas mentioned previously

I wrote this topic before and had similar as you do. :)