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IELTS task 1: The continuous movement of water on, above & below the surface of the Earth


eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Mar 7, 2014   #1
Hellooo Freinds...
I'm preparing an IELTS exam. I need feedbcak. Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammar.

Question:
The diagram below shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the Earth.
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Answer:

The diagram illustrates the ongoing process of the water passing from ocean to air to land, which is known as the water cycle.

How does the process unfold? There are 3 main stages shown on the diagram: evaporation of ocean water, precipitation and dripping water to the sea. The evaporation which contributes 80% of water vapor in the air coming from the oceans is awarded the first stage in the diagram. Heat evaporates the water which is turned into water vapor condensing to form clouds. At the second stage, there presently is precipitation, which is the amount of water falling on the ground coming second in this process.

The last stage in the diagram, the rainwater is stored in lakes after falling into the ground. Again, this water forms snow at the top of the mountain. While some of the water may reach the impervious layer of the earth, the other returns to the ocean via surface runoff, perhaps reflecting in high levels of groundwater and saltwater intrusion. This process will take place continuously if the water falls into the sea.

Clearly, the water cycle, which is required to produce water from ocean to land, consists of three stages without losing overall coherence.





MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Mar 9, 2014   #2
How does the process unfold?

I find this question unnecessary.

There are 3 main stages shown on the diagram: evaporation of ocean water, precipitation and dripping water to the sea.

This sentence could be used in the overview paragraph as it shows readers the most remarkable features of the diagram.

The evaporation which contributes 80% of water vapor in the air coming from the oceans is awarded the first stage in the diagram.

At the evaporation stage, 80% of water vapor in the air come from the oceans.

At the second stage, there presently is precipitation, which is the amount of water falling on the ground coming second in this process.

This is followed by the precipitation stage, in which water falls from the ground in the form of rain or snow.

Again, this water forms snow at the top of the mountain.

I think the snow is the result of precipitation rather than the water in mountainous lakes.

produce water from ocean to land

The word "produce" is not appropriate here to me. In my opinion, water just changes its states throughout the cycle.
dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Mar 11, 2014   #3
How does the process unfold?

... I feel this is not necessary. You reporting the features of graphical presentation and I like if your writing is more concise and specific.

There are 3 main stages shown on the diagram

This is good enough for starting your para :)
You write very well and I think you can aim at a very good band
Good Luck!
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Mar 12, 2014   #4
The diagram illustrates the ongoing process of the water passing from ocean to air to land, which is known as the water cycle.

water from ocean to land

. Ocean not engaged with article "the" because in these sentences is not part of specific member of group or expressing generalization. These sentence mention a process from... to

The evaporation which contributes 80% of water vapor in the air coming from the oceans is awarded the first stage in the diagram.

''oceans" is not name ofindividual mountains, lakes,islands, oceans, seas. So article ''the" should be present. Then, while you put "the" means that oceans is already referred in the previous sentence.

The evaporation which contributes 80% of water vapor in the air coming from Oceans is awarded the first stage in diagram. If the sentence altered with this one. This might be said that "Ocean" as the first word in all of entire paragraph.

While some of the water may reach the impervious layer of the earth, the other returns to the ocean via surface runoff, perhaps reflecting in high levels of groundwater and saltwater intrusion.
bwosti 5 / 11 1  
Mar 12, 2014   #5
Heat evaporates the water which is turned into water vapor condensing to form clouds.

heat turns water to gaseous state which is universal truth so I think this sentence could have written in this way:
As evaporation occurs, liquid water converts into lighter gaseous state and starts condensing as it moves up which forms wet cloud.
OP eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Mar 13, 2014   #6
I find this question unnecessary.

you are right, MisterWandering. The sentence is inappropriate for this case.
I always carry out many experiments to test the IELTS writing. And I know this is not good.

I learn a lot from your feedback. Thanks you :)
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Mar 13, 2014   #7
You are welcome, Eddy :) And also, congratulations on your IELTS score! You deserve it every bit :-D


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