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TOEFL - Contribution of young people to their communities is not sufficient.


lily41628 1 / 2  
Dec 12, 2012   #1
TOP25 independent writing
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Young people nowadays do not give enough time up helping their communities?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Young people nowadays seems to become more indifferent than ever before, less of time them have spend on helping communities. Well, there are mainly three reasons of why their time in helping their communities shorter than before. In my opinion, people do not give enough time up helping their communities for the following reasons : people are busier than before, the invent of Internet, the importance of social network is decreasing.

First of all, young people nowadays has more things and skills required to learn than before, so after they brings home the bacon, there is barely few time left for other things. Before, people got a decent work, and work hard, it's easy to gain money and sustain the basic living of a family, in that ways, it left plenty of time for people to get involved with the communities' affairs, such as communities' conference of deciding the public affairs or cleaning the neighborhood, etc. However, the society asks more of a young people, such as the English ability, computer skills, licenses of different professional ability, etc. these not only requiring time of learning, but also the effort to take exams to meet the lowest level to get a chance of job interview.

Second, the invention of internet reduce the face-to-face conversation, while the conversation of neighborhood is barely existed, it's hard to make young people feel that participate in communities is required. Internet brings lots of benefits of life, it shortens the time of information searching, decision making, and it also changed the format of communication reversibly, especially young people. Young people are required to use computer and Internet from every aspects, and it's becomes the main access of their way to get involved in this society. However, the more time the young people spend on Internet, the less time they spend on talking directly to people face-to-face, in the long run, they don't feel there is any importance of sparing their time in communities, furthermore, they may lose the ability to get involved in the real society.

Finally, for the young people, the communities is not the most important social network anymore. In the past, knowing other people in our neighborhood, going to local churches, participate in particular clubs, etc are really important for people to set up his/her own social supporting network, no matter on work, career or family. However for the people nowadays, these relationship is not that beneficial anymore, it's easier to gain help or advises via Internet or money, as long as we gain the access. In other words, it's not essential for young people to help his/her communities while there is no obvious interest involved.

In conclusion, comparing to the past, young people do not give enough time up helping their communities, because of the limited time that young people has, the invention of internet, and the lack of essentiality of participating the communities.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 12, 2012   #2
Young people nowadays seems to becomebe more indifferent than ever before, less of time them have spend on helping communities.

... this has some grammar issues;
Young people nowadays give lower priority to helping their communities.

Well, there are mainly three reasons of why their time in helping their communities shorterlower than before. In my opinion, people do not give enough time up helping their communities for the following reasons :

Bothe these sentences mean the same and sound repetitive. I suggest you to remover the first line1

In my opinion, the main reasons why young people have relatively low involvement with community work are due to their much busier schedules compared the older generation, too much involvement with internet and low preference for social networking.
OP lily41628 1 / 2  
Jan 25, 2013   #3
thank you so much~


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