i am student in Hong kong. And i am preparing for ielts, this is one of my writings. Can you give some comment on this essay? thank you very very very very very much
The government should control the amount of violence in films and on televisions in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is a trend that many programs appearing on the screen contain some violent and pornographic elements more or less, no matter block busters or certain shows. And, they seem to be warmly welcomed, or, in other words, exactly satisfy some people's tastes. However, taking its great contribution to juvenile delinquency, failure to obtain literature and misleading the public into consideration, it is time for government to control the amount of this sort of films.
First of all, it is a miseducation towards youngsters, and may cause them to commit crimes. Specifically, movies, a form of media, should deliver more information on culture and literature rather than some vulgar concept which in turn ruin people's tastes and fail to call on their reflection. These violent components influence a child deeply, thus lead to bad behaviors, habit pattern or ways of thinking, e.g. a child might consider that it is reasonable to kill the person who has offended him, and also, their attitude towards using guns or other instruments is quite different from ordinary people. Besides, they might set the criminals as examples and follow them blindly. And these are all potential dangers leading to juvenile delinquency.
Also, the violent programs are lack of beautiful feelings and care about others. By this I mean that, most of them suggest a spirit of purely pursuing a man's purpose. For the sake of one's own interests, he is cruel, apathetic and undefeatable, which is an ideal image. But, in the real word, this is not true. As a person's greatness emotional need is to feel appreciated, doing like roles in the movie which are regardless of legislation and regulation sounds ridiculous.
Although this sort of movies fits audiences' tastes, it is meaningless and a waste of time. Specifically, most people watch passively merely for exciting actions, unbelievable fictions and the appealing performs of characters, which is lack of interaction. Upon the movies finish, their enjoyments disappear. A good movie can arouse audiences' common sense. And often, what they have after watching movies, is the impulsive to outlet their unreasonable feeling, which is also a ingredient leading to crimes.
All in all, in terms of preventing people from committing crimes, our government should take measures to limit the amount of violent movies. Since it is lack of literature and care, our citizens also should watch less this kind of movies.
"It is a trend that many programs appearing on the screen contain some violent and pornographic elements more or less, no matter block busters or certain shows ."
This is a liitle confusing, maybe you can say "whether it is in blockbusters or ceratin shows on TV"
Maybe you can redo your intro because I fing myself confused when reading it.
"And these are all potential dangers leading to juvenile delinquency"
Rephrase it and put it at the beginning of para 1 to "There are many potential dangers that often lead to juvenile delinquency. For example..."
"Also, the violent programs are lack of beautiful feelings and care about others."
Rephrase it to "In addition, these violent shows and games fill children with violent thoughts and they often disregard other's feelings."
'Although this these sort of movies fits audiences' tastes'
Overall this is a good essay and shows that you took some time to think about it. Good job!!
thank you， really appreciate that！ you see，there is so much need to be done, and i will pratice more
by the way, I wondering that if my essay is clear enough that can give you a globe picture about the topic. I mean , do you understand what I was saying in it?
we have share same name, haha and ofcourse we are friends now
Hoping for your reply
...contain some violent and pornographic elements, and these can be encountered regardless of whether one is viewing a blockbusters or a favorite television show.
I see that John already gave a suggestion for this, and it is a good one. Thanks for all the work you did here, John411
This is my favorite part:
Also, the violent programs lack beautiful feelings...not true. As a person's greatness greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated; roles shown in the movies which portray disregard for legislation and regulation seem ridiculous.
:-)
Kevin,thank you for your comments
You have motivated me to write more
To improve my English,I will work harder
I start to find that this forum is more and more interesting now , you guys have helped us lot
Thanks again
