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Controversial information should be kept as secret or not.

emillia2003 5 / 11 3  
Aug 5, 2020   #1
Hello, 2 months form this day I will officially take the IELTS exam; yet, writing is still the skill that I lack the most. Hope you guys can help me improve this. Thank you for your time and have a nice day!

Topic 11: Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is widely believed that detailed information in scientific experiments, the economic and academic world should be shared unlimitedly to people. Some others argue that some pieces of information are noncompulsory to share with the public because is it too valuable. This essay will evaluate both points of view in order to give my own viewpoint.

To commence with, the exploration of the Internet helps human access to many sources of information freely and effortlessly. By sharing a large amount of precise information to the public, people will be able to understand the current situation they are in which helps them have a bird's-eyes view about what is going on. Pieces of information, especially in science and academic world, provoke human curiosity which encourages them to conduct more research, experiments in order to find out more surprising facts. More importantly, information related to people's well-being such as, medical, natural disasters, environment, crimes is worth-sharing because by informing people about these kinds of problems, their awareness and caution will be raised which ensures their perfect safety.

On the other hand, many pieces of information are inappropriate to shared freely to the public because of their own safety. It is no doubt that a lot of information is beyond people's knowledge and it contributes nothing significant to people's lives, for example, results in scientific research about a particular kind of tree which is nonrelated to people's lives. Additionally, a lot of information can serve as an efficient tool for many criminals to commit their nefarious conspiracies which will cause unspeakable detriments for a country's well-being. The most detrimental consequence of sharing information unlimitedly is that the failure to put the world in order, with people knowing confidential information, such as a nation's security system, novel, dangerous and uncontrolled technology, new species created in a lab lead to a lawless world, trust exists between people faded and many unjustified actions will be done.

All things considered, it is sensible to conclude that harmful and serious information should be kept as top secret, people with no special authority are unable to access those pieces of information in order to protect the world from considerable harm.
minhthptbg 2 / 2  
Aug 5, 2020   #2
To me, your essay is good reagarding grammar especially collocation and vocabulary.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,540 3448  
Aug 5, 2020   #3
There are supposed to be 5 paragraphs for this essay:
Par. 1: Prompt Paraphrase + discussion instruction
Par. 2: 1st public point of view explanation
Par. 3: 2nd public point of view assessment
Par. 4: Personal Opinion
Par. 5: Concluding summary

The public points of view can be made in general discussion form, with gender free pronouns in use, while the personal opinion needs to have at least 1 first person pronoun reference. Try to follow the advised discussion format for the presentation so that you can achieve a better overall band score. You have provided a discussion format that does not clearly depict a difference between the public and the personal point of view. It appears to be solely a personal point of view due to the lack of clear paragraph separation and lack of group pronoun references.

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