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Need your corrections for agumentative paragraph ("my supervisor")


kyleighgrace 1 / 1  
May 14, 2009   #1
Hi everyone!.. I need to revise my homework, and it would be great if you guys could look over my paper and correct my errors. well, my paragraph needs to have a topic and three supporting details. I appreciate you taking the time to help me with this paper. thank u soo much in advance! =]

Argumentative Paragraph

My supervisor shows a great deal of favoritism to one of the employee at my
workplace who appears to be treated better than the others for no valid reason. He allows the other coworker to have weekends off rather than someone else, praises other coworker even though I do most of the work, and gets mad at me for being late once while the other coworker came late too without any punishment. It all started when the company hired a new employee who used to work with our supervisor at his last employer and assigned her to the same position as me. My supervisor allowed the new coworker to have weekends off work when I wanted to have weekends off long before she ever started working with the company. I requested weekends off to my supervisor, but instead, he allowed the newly hired employee to take that day off rather than me. I had been with the company for almost a year, and they never give meweekends off yet. I also feel that I did most of the work between me and the other coworker although she always got praised for doing such a great job though we both do the same tasks. I felt neglected because he never praised me for any of the hard work I completed. One day, I came to work 10 minutes late, and the supervisor got very angry at me, and gave me a verbal warning. It wasn't an issue to me until the other coworker, a few weeks later, came at around 30 minutes late with a similar excuse to the supervisor. __, the supervisor didn't get mad, and he replied, '' It's ok. It happens to everyone.'' At that moment, I felt belittled and definitely treated unfairly at the company. But in the end, I learned a lesson to deal with this situation. I learned to just focus on my work and take responsibility for creating a more positive work environment rather than keep

blaming others or looking over my shoulder at what others are doing.

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
May 14, 2009   #2
You seem to met all of the requirements. Here are some minor fixes:

"He allows the other coworker to have weekends off rather than someone else, praises the other coworker even though I do most of the work, and got mad at me for being late once even though the other coworker came late too without any punishment."

"when I had wanted to have weekends off long before she ever started working with the company"

"came at around 30 minutes late "
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
May 15, 2009   #3
I think you could get that topic and three supporting details by doing a well-places paragraph break:

para #1
My supervisor shows a great deal of favoritism to one of the employee at my workplace who appears to be treated ... late too without any punishment.

para #2
It all started when the company hired a new employee who used to work with our supervisor at his last employer and assigned her to the same position as me. My supervisor allowed the new coworker to have weekends off ...

para #3 I also feel that I did most of the work ...

para #4 One day, I came to work 10 minutes late, and ...

Para #5 write a conclusion in which you reflect on the three supporting points in paragraphs 2-4.

Does that help? :)
OP kyleighgrace 1 / 1  
May 17, 2009   #4
Thank u -Sean and Kevin.
and Kevin, yes it did help me..thank u again.=D


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