Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

The correlation between happiness and marriage status in the US


ashelarisa48 36 / 52 4  
Sep 1, 2016   #1
The first bar chart presents the correlation between happiness and marriage status in the US. Both married and unmarried are categorized into four age groups. Related to the second bar chart, it shows the level of happiness on married people based on the children they have.

Overall, the survey proves that the married people are twice happier than the other who are unmarried. Also, having children or not is not so influential on the happiness level of the married people. Married people who have no children also have the happiness ratings nearly the same as the other who have children under 18 years old and 18 above.

All age groups of married people have the percentage of happiness in a nearly same number around 40 - 45 percent, while unmarried people only have 21 - 34 percent. The happiest age of married people is the group at 18 - 29 years old while the unmarried group at 65 years old and over is the happiest than the other. Then, married group who have children under 18 years old is the happiest at 44 percent of the ratings.






hirani03 36 / 50 5  
Sep 1, 2016   #2
... level of happiness on married people based on the children they have.It's not about how many children they have but how old years their children is .

... married people are twice happier than the otherothers who are unmarried.
... also have the happiness ratings nearly the same as the otherothers who have children ...

All age groups of married people ...
... while the unmarried group at 65 years ...
Then, married group who have children under ... You have mentioned group 4 times. avoid repetition. you may use category or criteria.
RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Sep 1, 2016   #3
... it shows the level of happiness on married people based on the children they have.whether or not they have children

*although your introductory paragraph is quite short, you already introduced both charts and gave an overall for both.

*despite of some repetitive words, you are well arranged your essay task 1, use varied style of sentence and use comparison language. Good job. somehow, you have shown your improvement on composing your essay.
ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Sep 1, 2016   #4
Both married people and unmarried ones =>be aware with word's form

than the others who are unmarried

a nearly same number => nearly in the same number

you made some repetition for several words: happiness, married people
here my suggestion for alternative words:
happiness=> gladness, pleasure, satisfaction, enjoyment
married people=> married couples, spouses, people in legal bond, having married life


Home / Writing Feedback / The correlation between happiness and marriage status in the US