As a teenager, you do not have much say in what goes on in your life. I am currently living the last of my teenage years, in two months I will be considered a legal adult and often I look back on my past teenage years and think "wow, I thought I had so much control over my life when I had none." My parents made me think I was making the decisions for myself, but they always decided everything. They decided when/where I was allowed to go with my friends. Whether or not I was sick enough to not go to school and even little things such as if my outfit was good enough to leave the house in. Along with my parents, there were teachers who had control over how I was going to spend my afternoon/night through the amount of homework they assigned. They have had full control of my future in the fact that they may have thought my English paper deserved a C when really, I thought it was a solid A+; we just happened to have different writing styles.
Whether we realize it or not, both power and powerlessness are corruptive. However, in very different ways. Power often makes people take control of other people's lives consciously or unconsciously. Also, power has its positives, that sense of control creates competition in society which is exactly what we need for society to continue evolving. Power does not only mean to be controlling and demanding, the way a dictator may be. I am currently a senior in high school, all other seniors in my school are my competition. We all want to be the valedictorian for example, however only one of us can be that. The person who ends up being valedictorian is the one who is is power filled, which is not a bad thing. This person has the power to go to any college he desires because he is the best in the school. He has the highest chance of getting the most scholarship for any school because, again, he is the best in the school. That is power; it can be a motivator to be the best.
Powerlessness makes a person weak and vulnerable, looking at the opposite of the end of the spectrum, the students who have done the worst in school, are begging colleges for an acceptance. They are also willing to pay full tuition for any school because of how powerless they are. They also have given up since they have been so unsuccessful in the past, but this valedictorian will not give up, because he does not want to lose that power when he has worked so hard to gain it. Powerlessness makes a person lazy and irresponsible is is a lot more corrupt than power which creates competition and motivation.
When one realizes they are powerless, one becomes insecure. Powerlessness does not only affect your motivation, but you as a whole. Imagine always being told exact what to do and when to do it and how to do it. You will never develop that sense of self. You will never learn to be independent. You will always be waiting and depending on the powerful person for precise and detailed instructions. As a powerless person, you are slowing down the evolvement of our society so much more than society can afford. Power corrupts, but powerlessness corrupts more in ways society often overlooks.
I really do like the middle and conclusion of the essay. They read nicely, flow well and present a logical chain of thought. However, the introduction is about as generic as you can get, try to start with something related to the topic. You presenting the topic in the second paragraph is a rather unconventional idea but you can make it work if the introduction tells the reader of what's coming.
okay thank you! does this sound better for the introduction?
"There are two types of parents in this world. There are the parents who are very over protective and guide their kids every step of the way in order to in sure that their kids do not make mistakes. Secondly, there are the parents who are there for their children when they really need them, but also give their their children enough space to teach them responsibility and independence. The first type of parents believe this is the best way to teach a kid. However, the second believe their way is better. Thfirst parent here has made their child a lot more powerless than the second parent's child. The first parent's child is now weak, vulnerable and unaware of what the real world is actually like. He will not be able to respond to situations filled with complications, unless his parent is by his side. While the second child's parent has been giving enough independence to make him/her able to get through many obstacles that he will pass in the real world without his parents by his side. To be powerless is to be helpless to yourself. The first parent here has made their child a lot more powerless than the second parent's child. There are too many parents who are corrupting their kids because they are like the first parent."
-I do need one more sentence in the end I believe to connect more, but I'm not sure what. Any ideas?
Hello Marina Ibrahim
I'm so keen on your writing. It is easy to understand, the flow is beyond good and you have hit the point of the task.
But, unfortunately, I think your second introduction is meaningless as it is not relevant to your body paragraphs.
Hence, I give you an idea to begin with.
In introduction, you should start with the general issue concerning corruption engaged to power and powerlessness person, such as what people worldwide think about this issue and afterwards, you can make it narrower by giving your own opinion or the overview of your body paragraphs. Here, you also can state in what side you stand for, which is in this case, you think that both of them are corruptive, but the powerlessness is more.
With this kind of introduction, I believe that you will help the reader to figure out the message of your writing.
Thus, your first body paragraph only concentrates on detailing the reason why power is corruptive and giving some examples as well as the result of your example. It's great that you have already done it.
For the second one, you should also give the same pattern like the first, start with reason, then the example and end it by the result.
However, if you don't mind, you can make a conclusion by reinforcing your statement that you have mentioned in the introduction.
I hope that this idea will help you. Good luck
okay thank you, i will try that!
