Hi Everyone!
I am studying for the revised GRE and looking for someone to critique my 30 minute, timed essay according to the GRE rubric.
All critiques are welcome!!
The luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
Individuals who are "truly strong and independent," in my opinion, live lives full of confidence, drive and self-sufficiency. Modern luxuries and conveniences have certainly helped our society become more independent as a whole; specifically by freeing historically marginalized groups of people from their stereotypical roles.
In the past century, women for example, have seen a vast change in their ability to be self-sufficient. Contemporary technology during World War II gave women opportunities outside of the field of battle to fight, and ultimately work, outside of the home. Subsequent conveniences such as washing machines, dishwashers, vacuum cleaners and ready-made meals reinforced women's drive to join the workforce and confidently live independently from family or men.
In the twenty-first century, we saw the advent of the Internet and watched it grow to be ubiquitous through out the world. It has opened a new type of industry, one that is actually intangible but robustly used every single day: the "app" or application. Almost anyone, newly graduated and veteran workforce alike can dream up an application for a smartphone, market it and sell it for profit. Never before has it been so easy for young people, women and minorities to be strong, self-sufficient entrepreneurs. This type of independence is only possible with modern convenience.
Some might argue, though, that modern luxuries such as televisions and computers provide too "cushy" of a lifestyle and turn otherwise hard-working individuals into lazy, dependent "couch potatoes." I believe that it is not these conveniences that change people's outlook on life, but their own inherent lack of drive and desire for success. Individuals who want to enhance their strength and independence are now, with the help of modern conveniences, generally capable of such feats.
Modern luxuries and conveniences have certainly helped our society become more independent as a whole; specifically by freeing historically marginalized groups of people from their stereotypical roles. ---This is excellent writing!
Contemporary technology during World War II gave women opportunities outside of the field of battle to fight, and ultimately work, outside of the home.
In the twenty-first century, we saw the advent of the Internet and watched it grow to be ubiquitous throughout the world.
Some might argue, ---I don't think there should be a comma here.--- though, that modern luxuries such as televisions and computers provide too "cushy" of a lifestyle, and turn otherwise hard-working individuals into lazy, dependent "couch potatoes."
You are such a good writer, to the point and no wasted words. Good luck with school!
:)
