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Countres becoming similar / same products - comments and evaluation


tlyphuong1 1 / -  
May 12, 2019   #1
Writing task 2 page 77 - Cambridge IELTS 10
Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

goods to spread widely in the world



In our globalization era, especially the development of technology, the need for various ranges of products increases as people competitively run their business. Although many individuals find it complicated in delivery and distribution, I believe the rapid spread of any specific product makes it more accessible to anyone and positively develops global economy.

The increasing of globalization makes it possible for goods to spread all over the world with a blink. Companies expand their factories in every country and distribute their goods to all customers. For example, Starbucks has millions of brands on a global scale, not only big cities but also small towns. To be specific, my mother had to ask from her friends who lived abroad and came back Vietnam once a year to buy her some favorite materials for art that had just been sold in the US in the 1980s. She no longer gets help from her friends now because of online shopping and wider choices here sometimes confuse her so much that she has to ask me which one is better.

Borders are imaginably removed and people no longer feel cultural shocking when they travel another country. This is because traditional foods, clothes, jewelry, accessories, ... are distributed globally, making it familiar with citizens. For instance, Vietnamese people can easily find Hanbok rental shops available everywhere for their wedding photos. Compared to the past, Southern Vietnamese people might feel weird if Northern Vietnamese people came and cooked Northern-styled soup. However, we now like to learn other cultures and enjoy them which make it easier to integrate into an international environment.

In conclusion, there are many positive effects for goods to spread widely to serve the high quality of living for picky people based on economical changes.

Maria [Contributor] - / 274 137  
May 12, 2019   #2
@tlyphuong1
Ensure that you have consistency in the forms of words that you use. Doing this will greatly improve your essay's overall structure. Furthermore, evade the usage of complex sentences not unless it is deemed necessary. An organic flow characterized with fluctuations and changes in length would always be beneficial because (1) showcases an innovative approach to writing and (2) helps you omit mistakes to maximize the space you have for your essay.

Let's revise a couple parts of your essay in accordance to the mistakes I have observed.

In the era of globalization and development of technology, variety in the range of products is essential for competitive businesses. Although many find it complicated in delivery and distribution, I believe that accessibility of products to communities helps develop the global economy.

Globalization has made it possible for goods to rapidly spread in the world. Companies can expand their factories to countries and distribute goods more efficiently.* [...]


*When you are faced with sentence structures that can be repetitive, try to use synonymous terms or have a more progressive approach to writing. This will help you in the long-run when it comes to developing your techniques for writing. For instance, you have mentioned distribution a few times already - so it would be better if you could provide an additional insight (ie. more efficient distribution) rather than blandly stating it out.

Keep these in mind. Don't hesitate to ask for more input. Best of luck to your IELTS!


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