IELTS-Countries develop economies improve living standards.degradation social values

QUESTION
Most countries develop their economies to improve living standards. Some people afraid that it will cause degradation of important social values. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

ANSWER
Economic improvement boost country's growth in all sectors. It eradicates unemployment, poverty, homelessness, child labor and so on. Though it has advantage some people believe that it will diminish vital social values.

Due to high standard education and professional people relationship are reduced. Competition and passion to earn more money make people to work for more hours which result in isolation of social contacts and even condense family relation. For example, Information Technology professional who working for more hours to meet his deadlines in his project loses his family members at dinner and arrive late at late night which effects the family relation. People become selfish and will not share or care others. Due to sedentary lifestyle people become obese and faces many health risks.

Development in economy attracts more foreign investors to invest and open branch in the country and creates more job opportunity. Attracts overseas skilled professionals to get high pay. Provides high class education which intrigue foreign students. In addition, it enables scientific research discoveries into desirable products and medicines. Exporting and importing goods improves the economy and provides foreign goods at cheaper prices. Increase in industry an factories provide high quality good and products. High tech transport facilities and infrastructure alleviate fast arrival and disposal of goods with in the country.

To conclude, by analyzing both the view, I deduce that economic benefits like high standard life, high pay job is pivotal and also people have to maintain and improve social values and compassionate to the society.

boosts -singular.


which effects the family relation this part is unnecessary because it doesn't add any information.


Maybe "Attraction" if you wanted to write a noun, or if not, you need subject, because without it is sentence fragment. You could do it like this: "It attracts overseas skilled professionals to get high pay"


Plural noun.


High pay job are pivotal .


within
A lot of mistakes,you should improve your grammar.

Hi Aliyev,
Could you please review my recent post and mark my mistakes. thanks

Regards,
Arun

i think u have not mentioned your opinion in your introduction.

in this essay you should list down the advantages of countries growth and disadvantages such as lacking social values, explain both seperetely and provide appropriate examples.

in conclusion you should clearly mention the abstract of what you have written on the body.

good luck

Hai Dev..

High standard of education

1st para 1st eentance is not clear..check typing error..

: arrive late at night..
: family relationships..

Write your opinion in the introduction...

Tessy

.... In my view, unemployment cannot be eradicated, but can be controlled or reduced. Even in highly develped economies such as US, Japan, Australia etc., there are recessionary periods wherer unemployment prevail at higher rates. So I feel you "eradication" is not an appropriate word to use with "unemployment " :)


What is the argument here? How do you relate higher education and professionalism with relationships? That's not clear.... Also this has some structural and grammar issues too :(